Hello, everyone... .
I am the wife of someone who has BPD and feel like I'm at a crossroads. I don't know what else to do, and where to go from here, so I would appreciate advice and to hear from all of you. A little backstory... .my husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. He came from a very abusive background and we always said how it was a miracle he came out the way he was. He was sweet, thoughtful, and caring. We got married and suddenly everything changed. He would snap and get angry at the weirdest things, everything was always made to be my fault, and I kept quiet about it to protect him, because I didn't want anyone else to know, since he told me it was my fault.
He got me pregnant without my consent, and at the time I dismissed that, but it has been frustrating to thing about. Truly though, she is a little miracle and I love her beyond words. She is almost 8 months now, and things have gotten way worse than they were before. He wanted a baby, but does not connect with her at all. She cries and he just stares at her and does nothing. I feel like a single parent, and have tried everything I can to involve my husband in her life, but it is like pulling teeth.
I came home from the grocery store in June to see all of my husband's things gone, with his wedding ring and a note saying he didn't love me anymore. 4 hours later he called me and said he didn't remember any of it and begged for my forgiveness. My family is out of state, so after talking to my husband, she and I went to stay with them for a few weeks while he began therapy and LENS treatment. I was so relieved that he finally saw there were issues that needed to be fixed. Well, now I'm kind of back to square one, because he goes back and forth between thinking he needs help, and saying that I am the issue. He wants to know where I am at all times, snaps at very small things, and then cries and begs for my forgiveness. I want to have a positive relationship, but I feel like we are stuck because he doesn't realize that this isn't normal. He does not take responsibility for things and asks me to remind him to do the dishes, take his vitamins, and brush his teeth.
I feel like I have two children instead of a spouse and daughter. I am considering divorce, but I don't want him to fight for our daughter and abuse her. I would want to live with my family out of state, but I'm not sure if I could because of the courts and if he wanted custody. My heart is broken, and I am so confused and not sure what next steps are. I don't want my daughter to grow up with an abusive father, and I don't want to feel stuck forever either. Thank you in advance for advice.
