Random texts from Ex uBPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

She dumped me out of the blue going on 2 years, 6 months later she started texting to apologize and all, but I didnt allow myself to fall back into that(endured a lot of pain), she "disappeared" again only randomly texting, to which I would just reply with a quick retort, but would not engage in long conversations... .texts became more distant with time, to the point that recently after about a month and a half I got a "Hey," I replied with a "Hey there" and no reply came, thinking she was bored or something.

Just curious as to what the hell the endgame is here, ! I seriously see no need for her to text me anymore. We had a moment, she decided to destroy it, why continue contact if she doesnt want anything from me. I dont give her the attention/admiration she used to get, I dont reach out, only reply to her messages with a to the point message to end the convos.

I will say she wont find someone who bent over backwards and gave her the world like I did, but ever since she destroyed that I never gave her that satisfaction. Starting to think this one will be with me for life, hahaha:'(

[vaztek2003]

She dumped me out of the blue going on 2 years, 6 months later she started texting to apologize and all, but I didnt allow myself to fall back into that(endured a lot of pain), she "disappeared" again only randomly texting, to which I would just reply with a quick retort, but would not engage in long conversations... .texts became more distant with time, to the point that recently after about a month and a half I got a "Hey," I replied with a "Hey there" and no reply came, thinking she was bored or something.

Just curious as to what the hell the endgame is here, ! I seriously see no need for her to text me anymore. We had a moment, she decided to destroy it, why continue contact if she doesnt want anything from me. I dont give her the attention/admiration she used to get, I dont reach out, only reply to her messages with a to the point message to end the convos.

I will say she wont find someone who bent over backwards and gave her the world like I did, but ever since she destroyed that I never gave her that satisfaction. Starting to think this one will be with me for life, hahaha:'(

[Lucky Jim]

Hey vastek2002, It sounds like she's throwing you a few crumbs from time to time to see if you'll respond.  The endgame is up to you, my friend.  I'm uncertain why you continue to reply to her text messages, but presumably there is a reason.  What do you think that reason is?

LuckyJim

[spero]

Hi there vaztek2003

Just curious as to what the hell the endgame is here, ! I seriously see no need for her to text me anymore. We had a moment, she decided to destroy it, why continue contact if she doesnt want anything from me. I dont give her the attention/admiration she used to get, I dont reach out, only reply to her messages with a to the point message to end the convos.

I will say she wont find someone who bent over backwards and gave her the world like I did, but ever since she destroyed that I never gave her that satisfaction. Starting to think this one will be with me for life, hahaha:'(

I don't really quite get what you mean by "endgame" or the terminology, i suppose at present for you the situation is she tried to elicit a response. I'm curious as to why you have chosen to respond, or rather where do you see this taking you toward in this context. What do you think are the choices within your control to make and decide at this point?

Yours,
Spero

[SWLSR]

jim

I have been told that those who truly have BPD always try to find a way to return to ones life.  It does not always happen that they can return though.   If I had to guess she is fishing and trying to reel you in, however she does not want to admit that is what she is doing.  She will continue to it from time tot time but if you do not let her back in you are usually safe.

[vaztek2003]

Hey vastek2002, It sounds like she's throwing you a few crumbs from time to time to see if you'll respond.  The endgame is up to you, my friend.  I'm uncertain why you continue to reply to her text messages, but presumably there is a reason.  What do you think that reason is?

LuckyJim

Thanks for the reply LJ, The only reason I can come up with is the fact that I genuinely feel bad for her. After discovering this site, it aided me in learning that its something they cant control, its just who they are. I do honestly feel bad for someone to hate them self so much, yet be able to do all these shady things to one they love without control... .she used to tell me that a lot of time she just felt like a shell (prior to me discovering this site). Sad

The funny side note in this is that because of all the knowledge on this site, it only made it harder to detach due to my "hero" complex  (I could save her, she couldnt help herself due to this condition), It was only when I just thought of it as a regular breakup that I was able to move forward. Then I revisited the site to learn as much as possible to help myself improve, because we allow these individuals in because of our own problems. I love this site!

[vaztek2003]

Hi there vaztek2003

I don't really quite get what you mean by "endgame" or the terminology, i suppose at present for you the situation is she tried to elicit a response. I'm curious as to why you have chosen to respond, or rather where do you see this taking you toward in this context. What do you think are the choices within your control to make and decide at this point?

Yours,
Spero

By endgame, Im inferring to what does she look to ultimately get from sending me a text every month. Id ask her but I know that wont yield an answer. Ive basically minimized my contact to just replying to her, never engaging nor prolonging the convo, kinda hoping that she'll eventually fade away on her own. The other alternative is to cut her off, but not sure what she would do, as a girl I know and she hated told me that some random woman went to her job and told a coworker that she was a whore and a manstealer... .not sure if it was my ex but the fact that I cant discount her from that situation is alarming.

I do honestly feel sad for her, but I also remember the lies and betrayal at the end (I was basically discarded overnight after 4 years). She did apologize when she came back 6 months later, but as we know its always for them. So I kept it friendly and eventually she started disappearing as I stated in the OG post. Just curious as to how their mind "works" sometimes, .

Rationally if you dont see a future with someone you move on, but we know their minds arent rational at all.

[once removed]

hi vaztek2003,

it sounds like you still feel some pain and resentment.

is there a message you are hoping that she would send? that shed be more upfront about it?

if so, what might that look like to you?

[vaztek2003]

Honestly I dont, I did when she discarded me (deep pain even ruined vacations) as I thought she left while everything was going great in her life, but then she came back, apologized and told me how her whorish behaviour (her words) had done her no good. Guy ended up ghosting her after she gave it up a few times less than a month after breakup... .I loved her deeply, but as Ive said I ended treating it as regular breakup afterwards and it helped me move on, I no longer viewed her as a victim of her own mind, I did everything I could for this person and none mattered in the end. Helped me move on. Also doesnt hurt when other women start talking to you again and you start noticing them (the freedom), makes it way easier. Just perplexed thats all as to what satisfaction does a person get from lingering about with a random "hey" once a month? I guess if its to get me to discuss her on a messageboard... .shes winning! Lol

[Cromwell]

Just perplexed thats all as to what satisfaction does a person get from lingering about with a random "hey" once a month? I guess if its to get me to discuss her on a messageboard... .shes winning! Lol

no confrontation of shame that happens when you are completely out of their lives.

As long as there is some contact, however trivial, its enough to conclude that "I obviously never hurt them or they wouldnt be giving me the time of day".