I made it

[Seenowayout]

Hello everyone!

Just checking in.  It's been a year and a half since my exBPD gf left, and I'm doing just fine.  You wouldn't know that there was any hope looking at my posts from last year -- I was a basket case.

But after some therapy, lexapro, good friendships, true love, lots of exercise, hard work, family  ... she's not a threat to me any longer.  For anyone out there suffering -- there is hope!

I did see a quote on twitter recently that spoke to me:  "Is it easier to accept that you were never truly loved by a Borderline, than to keep believing they stopped loving you abruptly?  When you come out of the ether and realize these people are not capable of attaching fully, you can reframe your sense of that affair."

What do you think?

That was one of the hardest things for me to get over.  Her sudden disappearance.  Like my best friend died.  Who can do this to someone?  someone they supposedly loved?  Unless they never really loved at all.

Best regards,

Seenowayout

[MeandThee29]

Yes, that's quite a quote.

I believe that mine was high functioning early on. We had some very good years. There were signs, but we managed. If it had stayed at that level, I think we'd still be together. I have no doubt that he loved me then.

Having kids wasn't good for our marriage either. He resented the division of my attention. There were long periods of time where I actually neglected them to focus on his issues, so it was hard all around. There were things in their lives that I missed that I deeply regret, and we've had to work through that. It's taken a long time for them to see that I was doing the best I could under difficult circumstances.

But it's still hard to believe how it unravelled several decades later.  But here we are, aren't we?

[gotbushels]

But after some therapy, lexapro, good friendships, true love, lots of exercise, hard work, family  ... she's not a threat to me any longer.  For anyone out there suffering -- there is hope!

Seenowayout    glad to see you're doing well.

What do you think?

Maybe we expected them to attach with a particular set of ways, and they didn't do them--and that's not your fault?   

[Insom]

Hey, Seenowayout!  Thanks for checking back in.  It sounds like you're doing great. 

I did see a quote on twitter recently that spoke to me:  "Is it easier to accept that you were never truly loved by a Borderline, than to keep believing they stopped loving you abruptly?  When you come out of the ether and realize these people are not capable of attaching fully, you can reframe your sense of that affair."

What do you think?

I think love is a confusing word to those of us who grew up in complicated families. 

That was one of the hardest things for me to get over.  Her sudden disappearance.  Like my best friend died.  Who can do this to someone?  someone they supposedly loved?  Unless they never really loved at all.

It sounds like you've accepted the idea that you ex was incapable of love.  How does that feel?