Help and Advise - not sure what i "should" do

[Robbland]

Thank you.

Its strong stuff and so hard but I'm so grateful for the support I'm getting here...

When she goes tomorrow like she says she is it will feel like such a relief.

Do you see how you got it "right" in the first part... .these are her choices?  Spot on.


How is it that any of us should "save" someone from their own choices? Don't buy into the FOG where she tries to have it be "your decision" to let her stay a few more weeks.  Were you the one that forced the choice and announced that you couldn't live with your daughter?  Absolutely not... .

Don't buy into the FOG.  Don't even listen to it... .

Believe her when she tells you what she is not capable of doing.

FF

[Waddams]

suggest you not be around between now and then.  don't be anywhere she has physical access to you, and don't be alone with her.  if false DV allegations are going to be made, you are at the prime time she would do it.  find a hotel for the night or something, and if she's gone after that, great.  if not, deal with it then.

and be prepared to have the locks changed as soon as she's gone.

[Cat Familiar]

When she goes tomorrow like she says she is it will feel like such a relief.

And it probably will be a relief to you and your daughter not to have her negativity in the house.

She’s likely telling you her true feelings that being around you and your daughter is too stressful for her. As formflier said, believe her.

And I agree with Waddams, she is already trying out the abuse strategy. You need to protect yourself and your daughter now that she knows you won’t give in to her demands.

[formflier]

Download a recorder app for your phone... Leave it running. 

stay clear of her and record/video record as needed. 

Don't hesitate to call 911 if she starts acting up, breaking things... threatening.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but you need to think things through to be prepared.

Think about where your valuables are... perhaps secure them.

Prepare for worst... .hope it doesn't happen.

FF

[BetterLanes]

Hi Robbland,

Praying for your outcomes!

One point about the allegations of abuse. CatFamiliar calls this a strategy and that seems likely to me as well. My reason being if she is classified by the care team as an abused woman, that may mean she gets provided with temporary accommodation, support, etc. and doesn't have to take responsibility for finding these things for herself. I would hope that if she had said something to the care team like "My mean partner says I have to leave his house and can't stay there with the baby", they would have asked her if she was being abused, and offered her help in that case. We know this isn't the truth of the matter (she asked you to throw out your daughter and you said no) but they don't know that. So IMO this may not be primarily a way of punishing or guilting you, it may be primarily a way of accessing support and especially accommodation. Of course there could still potentially be a lot of fallout and you need to be very careful around this issue. But I doubt this is a considered and deeply felt assessment of the relationship situation on her part.

BetterLanes x

[Robbland]

Thanks i'll bear that in mind.

Typically she was going to move out today and then started labour... .

However, on a positive note, she has said that if she has the baby today / tomorrow she will stay here wednesday night, but go thursday.

so currently whatever happens come thursday it looks like she is gone... .

Thanks again for the support here, its been really helpful.

Hi Robbland,

Praying for your outcomes!

One point about the allegations of abuse. CatFamiliar calls this a strategy and that seems likely to me as well. My reason being if she is classified by the care team as an abused woman, that may mean she gets provided with temporary accommodation, support, etc. and doesn't have to take responsibility for finding these things for herself. I would hope that if she had said something to the care team like "My mean partner says I have to leave his house and can't stay there with the baby", they would have asked her if she was being abused, and offered her help in that case. We know this isn't the truth of the matter (she asked you to throw out your daughter and you said no) but they don't know that. So IMO this may not be primarily a way of punishing or guilting you, it may be primarily a way of accessing support and especially accommodation. Of course there could still potentially be a lot of fallout and you need to be very careful around this issue. But I doubt this is a considered and deeply felt assessment of the relationship situation on her part.

BetterLanes x