Hi iLikeCats and
1. Wife will block the door out of our house during an argument if I say I need to take a walk for 30 minutes to cool down
People with BPD (pwBPD) can be particularly triggered by acts perceived as abandonment (fear of *imagined* abandonment). When you walk away, especially during a time when they are dysregulated emotionally, it may be interpreted as "abandonment." And pwBPD will act in a manner to avoid abandonment.
2. Wife has thrown objects at me and when confronted after the argument will say "I didn't throw it at you... .that's a victim mentality" or "I didn't throw it at you... .it just happened to in your direction"
Who are you going to trust? Your lying eyes? PwBPD (as well as other disorders) are know to "gaslight."
3. Wife is consistently switching jobs, friends, churches because there is something wrong with the people she interacts with
One of the (old) diagnostic criteria for BPD is "a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characerized by alternating between extremes of ideallization and devaluation." I imagine, that before there is "something wrong with the people she interacts with," she may have a tendency to idealize which might express as over trusting; i.e. instant (but disposable) attachments.
5. Wife threatens to divorce me after we have a "larger-than-average for us" fight. These threats happen about once every 2 months. Last month she said that it was obvious she needed to move out for 3 months in the hopes that our marriage could be healed. The next day she told me she would come home to grab more clothes but that afternoon she said that she actually shouldn't move out and brought her stuff back.
Another way to avoid "imagined" abandonment, is to be the person who abandons first. Sometimes this is done by leaving first, or being the one who starts the divorce process first. Sometimes this is done by starting an (emotional) affair first. But once the disordered fear of abandonment subsides, the pwBPD might just return (e.g. recycle).
6. Wife has said "I don't know why I say that" after she has threatened to divorce me.
Impulsivity is another characteristic of pwBPD. They might not understand (or accept) the nature of their emotions/impulse (e.g. fear of abandonment), at least not once it passes. But in the throes of the impulse, they may just act without regard to the consequence.
I hope some of what I write is helpful to you.
You are in the right place.
Best wishes,
Schwing
