only child of BPD mom, looking to cope and deal

[Hope80]

I am the daughter and only child of a BPD mother. It seems lately that she is harder to get along with. I am trying to find ways to cope and deal with her to avoid conflict. I look forward to reading and discussing support strategies with all of you.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.  I am glad you found us as there are many here in a similar situation.

What sorts of behaviors does your mother engage in that cause you difficulty?  What sort of relationship do you want with her and how do you want it to look?

As you share more of your story we will be better able to guide you to particular resources and tools you can use in your relationship.

I hope to hear more from you soon.

[Turkish]

I  am an only child too.  How is she hard to get along with?

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome, welcome Hope80! 

It seems lately that she is harder to get along with.

Is there something that happened recently or is going to happen soon that may have triggered her?

So glad you've found us! By the way, we have a great list on the right hand side of our board for you to check out. ------>> > Click on any of the sentences, and they'll open up into a larger window. Where would you think you are on the list? Everyone is in a different place, and it doesn't necessarily go in order for us.

Wools

[Hope80]

She is very critical and judgemental. She sees herself much differently than someone else would. Most people do, I realize. However, she has very little insight and sometimes does not understand how her behavior and words affect others. Her feelings always come first. If she is sad or angry, she can be quite hurtful. The hardest part is just listening to her criticisms and complaints and ignoring the occasional passive aggressive jabs. I do not agree with most of what she says, but I cannot criticize her or offer advice.
I have acquired sone of my parents’ behavior and thought patterns. I, too, tend to be overly critical. But unlike my mother, I criticize myself, too, because I recognize that I am not perfect and the fault does not always fall on the other.
I am somewhere in the mourning and healing stage. My memory is very good, and I can remember a few things from when I was a toddler (am late 30s). When I feel a little depressed, it is a bad habit to remember painful times and feel worse. It is a habit that I am trying to quit. It is better for me to accept my past for what it was and refocus on the better memories of happier times.
Right now, I am trying to accept her for who she is and not get embarrassed by her. My parents do not have many friends, and we always lived sort of isolated from friends and family. Going out with my mom, she will strike up conversations with strangers... .sometimes preaching or giving unsolicited advice. She misses the nonverbal cues when her listener becomes disinterested and would like to end the conversation.
One of my biggest fears is that I will become like her.