Decision time is coming up. It appears from your history that recycling you back is a pattern. The difference is that this time it was much worse than any rejection before, she really had you believing it was a scary protection or restraining order. Believe me, that's scary, I've faced such orders.
So... .what will you do? Resume the relationship? Be forewarned that if you do then the cycle will resume and you'll be rejected eventually, again and again. The difference now is that you've come to realize it is getting worse now. What will she do the next time? Call the police? Hurt herself and claim you did it? Actually file for protection through the court? In other words, where is your "red line in the sand"?
We have a saying around here that you should ponder... .
If it has been threatened or even just contemplated then it will happen, given enough time.Sure, probably in a while she will want to get back together again. For her she will view it as though nothing had happened. The sheer scare she put into you will not matter to her. The next time her emotions or moods are on a rampage, she will not blink twice to do this (or worse) again and again. Can you survive, much less prosper, with a future like that?
A few visits with a counselor or therapist is not enough. Would she get into meaningful therapy and actually stick with it indefinitely, for years? Sadly, decision time is coming up. Do you want her back, knowing that the poor behaviors typically get worse over time?
Another thought... . My experience got worse, much worse, after I had a child with my then-spouse. I thought she would get happier with a child discovering life. Clueless me, instead she relived her abused childhood and fears though our little son. By the time he was 3 years old she had driven away my relatives and all our friends. I was left alone in her perception of "Mother and Son Against the World". And as spouse I stood in her way. Despite over a dozen years of marriage, she started viewing me as "probably an abuser" like all the others alienated. Getting through the custody issues in unconcerned domestic court was a horrendous experience. Two years for a divorce. Another 6 years before I got an order that deflated her entitlement balloon. Yes, it's manageable now, but I call those years my Lost Decade.
I can't predict what she will or won't do. I can't predict whether or when she will act out worse than she already has. But you see the pattern now and it's getting scarier now. What I'm also saying is that having children with an acting-out disordered person is a recipe for disaster, and even worse, having children makes unwinding a failed relationship
magnitudes more complicated. Perhaps it may help you to view from the perspective that if you consider getting back with her then can you risk ever having children in the future?
I'm not sure how I'd respond. I know I want to tell her that I need for this back and forth to stop. I want to be with her, I just want to figure out how to make things work. I get really defensive with her accusations. I'm faithful, I'm honest, I'm so committed to her. I miss her
Pardon me that I responded so strongly. Your heart is clearly leaning toward a reunion. We understand, we've "been there, done that". But your head needs to know what the long term risks are. So far she hasn't gotten better, despite the sessions with the counselor. You can't trust "hopes and wishes" alone for your future. Remember, all it takes is one little trigger and Bam! Please give your heart time to catch up with your head.
