Tips Needed: BPD Husband's therapist just cut him loose

[JustMe123]

   So, my husband has be in a tailspin for a while.   Today his therapist game him letter saying that she could no longer be his therapist and that he needs someone with better skills to help him.  He has been seeing her for 2 years :-(  It came as a shock to him.  I have been wondering if they were as good of a fit as is needed.

What can I do to support him?  To help prevent this from becoming the dumpster fire it is heading for?

Thanks!

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[WileyCoyote]

That has got to be hard.  My wife fired her therapist and I think I can identify with similar feelings. It sounds like it has filled you with anxiety about the POTENTIAL future outcomes.

At first I wanted to find a new therapist for her... .pry out the reasons why... etc... .all good ways to make me the target of all her anger if I "failed" her.  But I reminded myself, this is her stuff.  All I can do is be healthy myself.

So remember, this all HIS stuff.   HE needs to find a new therapist.  HE needs to accept the reality of what his therapist told him.  Because chances are... this did not come out of the blue from his therapist. She probably tried to bring it up with him and he couldn't handle it.  So she made the choice to send a letter, so he could not lash out at her, or deny that it was happening.  She most likely gave him referrals as well.  He just has to move forward like an adult.  ( I know I know)   But this is HIS choice.  

So the hard truth is... .You can't DO anything except be there and be supportive of his decisions or decide where his decisions cross your boundaries and where your own personal limits are for his poor behavior.

I know it is hard... .trust me, I know.  To just stand and watch someone you love wallow in misery.  But the hard truth is, it is there choice to continue to do what is not working.

What can you do for yourself (since that is all you can control) to make sure that his potential bad behavior doesn't drag you down with it?  He is suffering.  Do you have to suffer too?

Has your husband said anything about finding a new therapist?

Are you seeing a therapist?  (strongly consider it if you are not)

*edit
I just reread this... .I think I can rephrase everything I said here to be pretty short:

What can you do to support him?  Take care of yourself.

[WileyCoyote]

Saw you wrote this on a previous post 6 months ago:

Before the weekend his therapist told him that if he did not continue with dbt group (which triggered him terribly - both the group setting and her saying that to him),  she would not be his therapist. 

So, it seems to me that this was definitely not something that should SHOCK him.  Unpleasant result of his actions that could fill him with shame and abandonment triggers?  yes

[JustMe123]

No it wasn't a real surprise.  He is very resistant to doing DBT at all. 

Since I post this, my fear came true.  He tried to kill himself again with an overdose in his car in a parking lot the next town over.  His therapist (ex) contacted me saying he was contacting her.  They were able to track him down and get him the hospital in time.  :-(  So now I am home and telling my kids (second time since January this year) and gathering the stuff he will possibly need in the hospital.  I have no idea where he will end up.    The hospitals they send to from here range from 20 minutes away to 6 hours away. 

And here I was worrying about the cutting self harm that was probably going to happen tonight.  At least that is off the cards.  I'm just so tired of it all.

[WileyCoyote]

Just me,.  I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I can imagine how physically and psychically exhausted you must be.

Get some rest if you can and please come back and talk to us.

[Notgoneyet]

JustMe123,
  WOW, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It is so very hard having to deal w your SO trying to kill themselves.  My uBPDw had 2 close calls with pills like that as well. I felt completely helpless, & hopeless at the time. The (unknown factor) is so frustrating also.
My SO also got let down (From her perspective) from our MC after one yr. Several yrs ago & was the 1st time I'd ever heard the BPD term. Referred us to (trama & abuse- Code Name BPD) specialists that would "Be able to help uBPDw more thoroughly through her next step of recovery " SO still talks (2 yrs later) about how bad that MC was for"just dumping her out because the MC was to busy w her own problems." She was in fact the only C that ever got my SO to open up about Many FOO issues & abuses. They take it Extremly hard,apparently & it put her in the hospital w ruminating, drinking & lack of selfcare as  well.
How are you practicing self care to stay well yourself? Keep sharing with us here it helps!
Sending you
Hugs ,Hope & Strength     NGY

[WileyCoyote]

 
 How are things going today?