About this time last year my ex's mother died.

I don't know whether that is true.

My ex didn't tell me till after the funeral.

I was away at the time. She was not at the airport to meet me when I returned, did not answer the phone, and had the key to my house. I waited till the airport emptied, then took a taxi to a hotel, where by chance I met a 'friend' who hated my ex. I needed to eat and felt obliged to invite him along.

When we arrived at the restaurant, my ex was waiting for me outside in a highly agitated state. I could see no logical reason for her to be there. She was distraught that I was there. My having 'met up' with the 'friend' tipped her over the edge. He gave me a packet of cigarettes (I don't smoke) and left.

Then she told me about her mother's death and said she knew I didn't love her. I showed her my call log and messages sent from the airport. I explained how I'd met the 'friend' and why I'd gone to the restaurant instead of the house. She accepted the explanation and calmed down. We went into the restaurant.

Things became abnormally normal. We talked about other things. I assumed she was shocked and in denial about her mother's death. I think I was in shock, myself. Her mother had been an abuser and I thought maybe this played in my ex's confused feelings. I decided to just be a friend for one evening and talk about her mother as and when she was ready.

She took on her mother's role in the family instead of mourning, dodging an abusive older sister to come out and see me. I expected her to break down. She didn't, but finished with me. We got back together. Then I finished with her because she was clear she was no longer serious about us, and very cruel in the explanation. Then I heard she had said her mother was 'not her real mother'. At this point I would almost have been surprised if any part of the story were true. I began to suspect a personality disorder, then BPD, but realised bereavement would have to be ruled out in any diagnosis. We got back together and broke up another six times over four months.

My only doubt now is whether she has comorbid npd. I assume there was some truth in the mother's death story. As the body was repatriated for the funeral to another country, I have no sure way of knowing what is true. I have just found a smirking selfie which my ex posted on Facebook, taken at an airport at about the time of her mother's death.

Anyway, two weeks ago my ex started putting herself in my orbit. I don't know why. I changed my routine to avoid her. I think tomorrow she is likely to be somewhere I'm going. The anniversary of the death is close. It will be confusing if I do see her.



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