Projection: it's all about them

[yamada]

If it helps anyone. Every name they call you. every horrible thing they accuse you of is actually telling you about how they are and they think.
My toxic PD sister just called me greedy and obsessed with money. This comes from a woman who owes my parents over $130k and pays no rent to them when she should be.
I have never had a cent from them.

[Turkish]

What is your view of why she calls you greedy?

[yamada]

She calls me greedy when I ask why she isnt paying my father rent as she should, why she isnt paying the loans to him as she should, why she will not moderate her lifestyle to her income knowing my father lives on less because of her. According to her I ask this because I am greedy, not because I am challenging her behaviour with my elderly parents,.

[JNChell]

Hi, yamada. It sounds very difficult in trying to be the moderator. I’d like to suggest something. Simply stop. The reason for this is because it sounds like you’re involving yourself in triangulation. Please read about the Karpman Drama Triangle.

The greedy thing is most likely projection. Don’t take it to heart. One of the hardest things to accept about these situations is that we shouldn’t take “their” actions personally. Their actions belong to them.

[Turkish]

I realize it might get into JADE territory, but do you throw it back into her court and ask,  "why do you call me greedy?"  If I had a sibling excusing that like she does it would really piss me off.  

[Panda39]

Hi Yamada,

I agree your sister is projecting her feelings about herself on to you and it sucks.  But you see it for what it is... .her dysfunctional coping mechanism.

It sounds to me that what's got you really upset is that she is taking advantage of your dad.  It would upset me too.  I know it's hard to see this going on and not what to correct the situation.  The thing is they are both adults and this is between them.  If your dad wants to give your sister his money it is up to him, if he continues to do so even when she doesn't repay him it is up to him and whether she wants to pay him back or not is up to her.  They are going to do what they are going to do.  Who do you control?  You control you. What can you do? You can ask your dad to stop giving your sister money and you can ask your sister to pay back her loan, but they can choose to listen or not.  It's about Radical Acceptance... .accepting they are going to do what they are going to do, and yes it can get uncomfortable for you, because they aren't doing what you think they should do. As hard as it is try and step back from this, it isn't your fight it's theirs.

More on Radical Acceptance... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0

JNChell, mentioned the Karpman Triangle and he's right you have jumped on the triangle when you get in the middle of something between your dad and sister.

More on the Karpman Triangle... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Yamada,

What are your feelings now that you are a couple of days out from what you shared in your first post of this thread? Are you still feeling this pain as intensely? When you hear her say you are greedy, what is the deeper feeling you have behind the anger?

 
Wools

[Star0009]

my BPD fmil literally has a big sticker on her bookshelf in her office which says "Its all about me." My bf took a picture of it as a reminder bc its so true. She literally lives in her own web of lies and manipulations which are constantly focused around her and her agenda. You can tell she is never truly happy though but she will trash talk anyone at anytime and have huge screaming matches with people in public if they just mess up her food order. BPd's will always project what they do as what others do or push all your buttons until you snap even in a nice way and get firm with them and then blame you and give you a guilt trip. My own BPD Mom always gets to me on my birthday when she tries to demand I call her or spend time with her in the way she wants as if its her day and she deserves that right. I could go on but bottom line I hear you.

[yamada]

I have come to the conclusion that she will never change. I live in hope but my hope is also denial. So today. I sent her the last response to her last abusive email. And then i blocked her and shut down the account. And it felt like the last tie was gone. What frustrates me is the stupidity of her arguments that she cannot tie any of it in some sort of logic. . I did a short JADE and then I did tough love and called it what it was. my fantasy is she sees the logic gets unbelievable insight and then come's running saying "I have seen the light"... The reality will be ... .she will come after me... .yes she has already set the lawyers working for some reason. And its making my family angry that I am in contact because she is so dangerous to my mental health.
I felt like today was the funeral and the last email was the Eulogy.
On the flip side everything I see an email arrived I am still have anxiety until I realise it cant be her.
I feel like I have reclaimed my life and I now have a starting point to move on.

[Panda39]

Radical Acceptance, yamada is not easy. 

Panda39