Is this normal?

[Perplexed5185]

I realize this is a strange situation and any input would be appreciated.
Almost a year ago, a guy I had a very minor history with in high school contacted me.
We started chatting and it became more "flirty" over time. The intensity was up and down, but over the course of the year, we had spoken for hours and hours and hours and debated meeting in person, etc. We never did actually meet, although it was clear there was a connection between us. I had suspected he suffered from BPD for quite some time, and he half-assed confirmed it at one point.
Anyway over the summer, things got particularly heated one night and a few days after that he abruptly blocked me on text message. No explanation whatsoever. I was confused to say the least... .Fast forward 2 months (Now mid-Sept) and he texts me a bunch of apologies and basically says he wants more, etc and starts talking about getting me pregnant. At first, obviously I was really pissed off, but I chalked it up to his illness and we started speaking again. Although, I heavily implied that if he ever pulled that again, it would be the end of it.
Last week, he had become increasingly non responsive again, although I was not blocked. Of course, I thought disaster had struck and I became somewhat nervous. I called him from a friends phone and when he heard my voice he hung up right away. I texted him immediately saying "dont ever text/call me again."
No contact since then.

I'm a little shocked at his behavior and not really sure how to proceed- if at all. Is this typical with BPD? Is it just always this cycle over and over? Is there even a point to reaching out again? I had hoped we could at least be friends. TIA.

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[Radcliff]

Yes, the push-pull dynamic you describe is common with pwBPD.  Take a look at the articles on this site to learn more.  One in particular is What Does It Take To Be In a BPD Relationship?.

You told him to never contact you again.  Is that what you really wanted?

RC

[Perplexed5185]

No, I guess not. But I've never encountered anything like this, and we are not in a relationship. I really need someone to talk to because it is so upsetting to me. Is there anyone who would do that? Thanks for your response.

[once removed]

we are here. we are listening. tell us whats on your mind.

if you didnt want him to never contact you again, have you considered maybe reaching out, taking it back?

[Perplexed5185]

Hi and thanks for your response.

I have reached out 2 times (through text) since this phone incident happened one week ago. One of the times I asked that he block me instead of this BS. He didn't block me, that I can tell (imessage still says delivered)
No response at all. I'm mad at myself for even caring...
Is this typical BPD? Do they come back around? Thank you so much.

[Radcliff]

They often come back around.  And then blow up again.  And then come back around.  There are issues within them that help drive this dynamic, but their partners (we) often feed it as well.  The challenge is to keep our cool, yet also protect ourselves (the solution is not to fight back, nor is it to be a doormat).  Figuring out this balance is a challenge, and that's why we're here to help.

Let us know what you think about that article I linked above.  We'd value your impressions on how it relates to your situation.

RC

[once removed]

One of the times I asked that he block me instead of this BS. He didn't block me, that I can tell (imessage still says delivered)

dont feed into this. before we can make things better, we have to stop the bleeding on our end.

this might be a hail mary of sorts, but id drop the pretense, send one last message that basically just says "im sorry, i really lost my cool."... .in this case i would not tell him that i hope to hear from him, or that im giving him space, id just leave it at the apology, then sit back, and wait... .let the ice thaw.

[Perplexed5185]

Thank you for your response
Is there a typical time frame? As I mentioned last time was nearly 2 months... .

[Perplexed5185]

And also is there any sense in approching them at this point? Or is it better to let them make the first move? Thank you.

[once removed]

is there any sense in approching them at this point?

there is some sense in owning that you acted in a way you wish you hadnt, and that youre open to making amends. apart from that, theres not much more you can do. doing more than that may push him further away, or leave you feeling rejected, or both.