My Sister, 21 and undiagnosed

[Our abuse recovery guide]

 

This being my first post, I’ll just make it short and see if people are interested in talking further.

My sister had BPD and currently isn’t being treated.
She’s 21, and we’ve had problems her entire life with lies, and emotional ups and downs.  Idk what to do.

I like to fix things— and I can’t fix this.
I know that’s my problem.

[wi2018]

 

This being my first post, I’ll just make it short and see if people are interested in talking further.

My sister had BPD and currently isn’t being treated.
She’s 21, and we’ve had problems her entire life with lies, and emotional ups and downs.  Idk what to do.

I like to fix things— and I can’t fix this.
I know that’s my problem.

[Panda39]

Hi wi2018,

I'm sorry for what brings you here but am really glad you've decided to join us.
Welcome to the group  

I hear on the wanting to fix things, I think all of us arrived here wanting the same thing, wanting to fix BPD.  It's really hard to watch someone we love make choices that are harmful to them and those around them.

What I have learned here is that we can only truly control one person in this world and that is ourselves.  You can't make your sister be, do, feel, think... .anything she doesn't want to.  Does that mean there is no hope? No!  You can make changes in how you approach your sister that can improve things.  When we change what we do, we send out ripples that change the interactions we have with others.

Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  So lets not do the same thing, lets change it up and learn new approaches.

Can you tell me more about your sister?  Is she living on her own or still at home with your parents?  How do your parents interact with your sister?  Do you both have any other siblings?

What do you find most difficult in terms of your interactions with your sister?

I hope to hear more of your story, the members here are great for support, information, tools, and are really good listeners when you just need to vent.  Again Welcome!

Panda39

 

[Harri]

Hi there and welcome!  We get it here.  You are talking to a fellow fixer and one of the hardest things I have had to learn to do is step back and allow the other person to do on their own.  Learning where I end and another begins is what helped me the most.

What sort of things do you try to rescue your sister from?  How do you try to fix?

[JNChell]

wi2018. We want to help. How are things going right now?

[Turkish]

We were all 21 once. That is a transitional age for most people, hard enough to deal with without BPD. What's going on with her that needs fixing?