He never ceases to amaze me. (The crazy train picks up speed)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I know I run the risk of sounding petty and judgemental but I'll take that risk. I'm dying over here. After a hellish last conversation with my BPD ex... .I have to vent, and this seems like the right place.

I have to share this with someone, lest I explode.

It seems this 51 year old man, on a salesman's salary, now solely supporting a four bedroom house in a very expensive suburb, plus two kids, (and the income I provided now gone)... .has purchased himself a Japanese speed racer motorcycle.

I'm sure this is a sound decision for a mentally unstable man with a limited budget, poor impulse control, rage issues, a drinking problem, a history of drunk and reckless driving, and ZERO experience with motorcycles. 

I thought I was hallucinating when I was waiting for the bus in my neighborhood, and I saw someone who looked just like him careening down the road clad from head to toe in some black and red Michael Jackson looking leather get up - on a crotch rocket. But somehow... .I just *knew*. Though still, I thought... ."no way". Just... .no way. He has never ridden a motorcycle. He drives a sensible work van. I thought all the crazy-making was getting to me and I was finally having delusions myself. Because... .this just can't be. I laughed at myself for even thinking I saw what I thought I saw.

But yes. A quick online search (I had to) revealed a Yamaha motorcycle registered to him as of October 31. I know that he's a grown man who can do whatever he wants with his money (and physical safety, I guess)... .but that doesn't mean what he wants to do isn't bat-sh!t nuts, and not real well thought out.

I. Can't. Even.

[BasementDweller]

I know I run the risk of sounding petty and judgemental but I'll take that risk. I'm dying over here. After a hellish last conversation with my BPD ex... .I have to vent, and this seems like the right place.

I have to share this with someone, lest I explode.

It seems this 51 year old man, on a salesman's salary, now solely supporting a four bedroom house in a very expensive suburb, plus two kids, (and the income I provided now gone)... .has purchased himself a Japanese speed racer motorcycle.

I'm sure this is a sound decision for a mentally unstable man with a limited budget, poor impulse control, rage issues, a drinking problem, a history of drunk and reckless driving, and ZERO experience with motorcycles. 

I thought I was hallucinating when I was waiting for the bus in my neighborhood, and I saw someone who looked just like him careening down the road clad from head to toe in some black and red Michael Jackson looking leather get up - on a crotch rocket. But somehow... .I just *knew*. Though still, I thought... ."no way". Just... .no way. He has never ridden a motorcycle. He drives a sensible work van. I thought all the crazy-making was getting to me and I was finally having delusions myself. Because... .this just can't be. I laughed at myself for even thinking I saw what I thought I saw.

But yes. A quick online search (I had to) revealed a Yamaha motorcycle registered to him as of October 31. I know that he's a grown man who can do whatever he wants with his money (and physical safety, I guess)... .but that doesn't mean what he wants to do isn't bat-sh!t nuts, and not real well thought out.

I. Can't. Even.

[MeandThee29]

I hear you. Mine has the same lifestyle we had when we were together. We were well off.

The three of us live in a broken-down house in an older neighborhood and live like I did in college. We have more stuff, but we live paycheck-to-paycheck. We shop thrift stores and garage sales. I buy some things at the dollar store. I cook every meal other than one on Sunday. We take our lunches to school/work. Our entertainment is the dog, going for walks, and doing free/low cost things with friends. When our family house sold, I bought our two offspring new beds and got myself a new cell phone and invested the rest. I haven't tapped that money since.

I chose not to argue about the disparity there when we've had financial discussions. How he lives and how quickly he burns through his investments is his business.

[BasementDweller]

I hear you. Mine has the same lifestyle we had when we were together. We were well off.

I chose not to argue about the disparity there when we've had financial discussions. How he lives and how quickly he burns through his investments is his business.

Hi meandthee! It sounds as if our experiences are remarkably similar. I am managing to do ok on my own salary, but now renting a small apartment - which is fine for me. I never have been much for material things and live pretty simply, splurging usually only on nice food sometimes.

What shocked me most wasn't as much the expense, as the impulsivity of getting such an item when he has no experience on a motorcycle and is dangerous as hell on the road, even with a slow, cumbersome van, haha.  It seems like a post-break-up, mid-life crisis impulse item that he will probably get into trouble because of. (No longer my problem, I just hope he doesn't cause an accident.) Ironically, his teenage son bought a moped a few years back, and fell off it and broke his arm. My ex was panicking about the dangers of motorbikes (and this was a MOPED) and pressured the boy to get rid of it... .which wasn't hard as he was then really scared of it too.

My ex has basically one friend, ( the guy who sent me the rude messages last week). He's 15 years younger than my ex, and has a bike like this and is really into motorcycles - BUT he knows how to ride, is safe, and not nearly as unhinged as my ex. I have no doubt he is mirroring this guy, as he has never expressed an interest in such a purchase before.

I am counting the days before he is seen with a replacement "accessory" half his age on the back of that ride.    Not his usual style, even as off kilter as he is, but this level of acting out is really stunning, even for him. I doubt this is the end of it.

[Baglady]

Oy - I can relate.

My ex - formerly a straight-shooting suburban Dad type (admittedly with a creative career)  - has now morphed into a serious pot-addict who spends inordinate amounts of money on cuddle therapy and is heavily into the ecstatic dance scene.  In between he finds time to hook up with clueless women 20 years younger than him. 

I don't care about his actions (only insofar as they impact my impressionable teen son) but these activities sure don't help my attempts to try to convince his family that he has a serious mental health condition when they are desperately trying to cling to the hope that he is just going through a mid-life crisis.

I look at him (after spending almost three decades together) and I think - who the hell was I married to all those years?  Who are you?

Happy to be well out of the whole mess!

Warmly,
B

[BasementDweller]

Hi, baglady! 

Cuddle therapy?   Dare I even ask what that is?

I too look back on my relationship with him, and while I knew he wasn't quite right in the ole' noggin - I didn't expect this. I wonder if I ever really knew him at all, just as you do. I didn't spend decades with him, though. So I guess it's not as surprising for me as what you went through.

Now the image of my ex cavorting with women half his age (never his thing - I was the "youngest" by far with a five year age difference, and he preferred women he had similar life experiences with) - I just wonder if he has finally gone off the deep end and will act that foolish now. It may have occurred to him that while he actually prefers women in his own age group, and desperately WANTS a relationship that works... .women in his own age group may not put up with him for very long. Maybe now he's going to realize that all the sensible ones are no longer around.

I know he's been smoking pot with his friend, hahaha... .also not his norm, so he may be going the route that your ex has. Egads.

If anything this helps me to detach. I'd never date a guy like the one he has morphed into... .I'd have never given him the time of day if he presented the way he does now. So maybe I out to thank him? ;-)

[MeandThee29]

Hi meandthee! It sounds as if our experiences are remarkably similar. I am managing to do ok on my own salary, but now renting a small apartment - which is fine for me. I never have been much for material things and live pretty simply, splurging usually only on nice food sometimes.

I doubt this is the end of it.

I've always had very simple tastes and prefer a simple lifestyle, which helps a lot. I tend to wait a long time before buying something until I am really sure I need it, even sometimes something minor. I make sure that it's really what I want too. I currently have about half a dozen things that I want/need that I'm watching for, and I'm fine with that ambiguity. One of my part-time jobs is with a major retailer, and I'm not at all tempted to spend my paycheck there unless it's a real need.

Yes, a motorcycle will not be the end of it. When people look to things and spending money to make them feel good, there is no end to it.