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Author Topic: Need advice...should I just finally walk away for good?  (Read 392 times)
stixx44
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 104



« on: November 13, 2018, 06:11:14 AM »

My ex (since February) and I had no contact for a full 5 months.  I then went to her house and we had a three-hour good conversation about our r/s to see if there was anything worth salvaging.  We both admitted to still having strong feelings for each other.  However, she wants to marry, I don’t.  So we parted ways again. She was also at this time dating another woman.  I don’t want to interfere with that.  She did tell me it was not serious.

She has since texted me twice out of the blue about something she bought or something she’s doing that reminds her of me.  I answer with a “that’s nice, hope you are well” and that ends the thread.  I don’t try to engage her or win her back.  My thinking has been if she wants to discuss our r/s, she can call or come see me.  I do not text her but had made it clear I’m here for her.

However, her opening up contact provided me an opportunity to send a generic birthday card to her.  I wrote in the card that I was having double knee replacement surgery in January.  She texted back that she would love to help me recover.   I thanked her, said I would let her know if I needed help, and that ended that thread.

Fast forward to three weeks later.  One night I was backing out of a deli and her three friends were in a car in the parking lot calling my name.  I went over and chatted with them.  Her best friend told me that my ex was two cars behind and I should go say hi.  I said no, I’d rather not, particularly since her new gf was in the car with her.  Her friend said she’s not her gf, she’s not dating anyone.  I still politely declined, got in my car, and drove home.

My ex called me when I was pulling into my driveway.  She was very upset that she didn’t see me talking to her friends and would have gotten out if she had.  I said that’s ok.  No problem.  She said they were all going up the road for a drink... .why don’t I join them.  I politely declined and we hung up.  

However, I decided not to pass up this opportunity.  I went for the drink.  She was seated on a couch alone.  Her “supposedly ex gf” was on a couch with another woman, and the other two (married) were on a third couch.  I sat next to my ex, so happy to see her after all this time.  She was beaming at me, so happy to see me.  We spoke about the “undercurrent” that always ran hot whenever we were in each other’s presence.  She reiterated her desire to help me after my surgery, and I accepted her offer.  Keep in mind... .I’m assuming she is not dating anyone now, she’s on the couch by herself, and her ex is sitting elsewhere. I’m hoping that this might be the time for us to start at least communicating again.

I stayed 20 minutes, said I was leaving.  As I started to get up, she pulled me down and gave me a nice kiss on the lips.  Very surprising, but nice.  I left feeling pretty good.

Sorry for the length of this...

I got home, she texted me for an hour how good it was to actually see me, how she has wanted to ask me to meet for lunch but didn’t think it was wise, how she still has feelings for me, but and here’s the thing I don’t get... .

How she can’t do that because she needs more time.

I said take whatever time you need.  And we ended the text.

I have not heard from her since then... .two weeks.  I am reconsidering having her help me in my recovery.  She has since told a friend of mine who she ran into in a store that she is going to help me, she’s worried something might happen to me during the surgery, and that she loves me (and according to my friend, she put her hand over her mouth right after she said that) but she’s with “XX” now (the same woman her friend said she wasn’t dating.)

I am left confused.  I don’t want to cling onto false hope, but I also don’t want her help if she’s attached to someone else.  I don’t quite know whether to do nothing until she contacts me or to be proactive and get this all out in the open.  It would hurt me tremendously if she came to help only to walk out of my life afterwards for good, throwing me a few texts along the way.  I don’t want that life anymore.  

Not sure if the “more time” comment was to get over me or “more time” to see how she felt about me.  It’s been over a year since we broke up... .recycled for a week in February.

Any thoughts on how I should proceed here?  Thanks.

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Mustbeabetterway
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« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2018, 06:33:00 AM »

Hi stixx44,

This sounds very difficult.  You both seem to have strong feelings and an emotional pull to each other.  I’m wondering if either of you have changed your mind about the original reason you broke up - she wants to marry and you don’t. 

There is a lot of confusion around - she’s dating someone or not dating someone. 

It helps me to figure out what I want in a situation, size it up and take an action instead of reacting to someone else.

What would you like to see happen?

Peace and blessings,

Mustbe
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stixx44
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« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2018, 03:51:56 PM »

Thanks for your response. I still have not heard from her. If and when she reaches out, I’ll have a conversation with her that will either clarify our situation.  If she doesn’t reach out, then I plan to go NC for good.
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Radcliff
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Fond memories, fella.


« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2018, 01:00:10 PM »

It's been a few days, how are you doing?  I'm sorry to hear that you're headed for knee replacement surgery, but wish you the best for a good outcome.  My father has been very happy with his, and says it improved his quality of life quite a bit.  Do you have a strong network of other people to support you after the surgery?

RC
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