Daughter New Diagnosis

[KHC_33]

I have been a member for a while. I am back again. I just found out that my 18 year old has BPD. My mother has it too although she will never come to grips with it. Spent the week out of down due to daughter being suicidal/self harm (I booked a hotel to be close to her). My daughter was admitted then transferred to a center. She's doing well. My daughter and I meet a team tomorrow that will be going forward with management and treatment of her BPD. Any support would be appreciated. It's bringing up a lot of past (semi-triggers) with my own mother.

[Harri]

Hi.  I am so sorry for what brings you back here.  I can imagine the triggers are pretty strong too.  Were you able to reach a point of peace with your relationship with your mom? 

It is great that your daughter will be getting help.  What sort of program is it?  Prior to her suicide attempt, had you had any issues with her behavior?

You might also be interested in posting on our Son/Daughter board as well though I am glad you are with us here.

Are you nervous about the meeting tomorrow?

[KHC_33]

Those are all very excellent questions.

Currently my Mother and I still have issues. I am able to defuse situations and clearly communication with her when she's functioning in BPD mode. I even back away and take time to recover. Our relationship went for N/C for 5 years.
I have only started allowing her back 1.5 years ago.

Yes I have had issues with my daughter's behavior. She's been like this for 3 years. The program is called the Good Shepherd. It's a center. BPD from my understanding don't do well in hospital setting due to attachment disorders. They admitted her overnight and then transferred her to a center that's extremely familiar with BPD diagnosis. Shes been working with a counsellor in the center.

Tomorrow yes I am nervous. New meds, new management, new treatment along with DPT. My mother still wallows in BPD behavior a lot (provided not her fault but it was a hard childhood for me).

I feel like I have to mediate between the 2 now. My daughter will be discharged Saturday and my Mom is going back home Monday (she was not suppose to stay this long) she's coming with me back home apparently when she was suppose to get a ride back to her city few hours away. I have asked my daughter's friend to possibly allow my daughter to stay with her until this storm passes. My mom triggers my daughter ALOT. In fact while she was here and saw my daughter at the center (my daughter was allowed off property with a friend and my mom kept bugging her if she could come). Grandma doesn't get clear boundaries :-/ She only sees 'herself.'

Knowing this I have to becareful because one is freshly diagnosed and the other has had years of this behavior and pattern

Currently my mom is with me at the hotel (let me tell it's been a BPD poop storm!) LOL

[Harri]

Wow, managing with your mom on top of everything else has to be hard.  It is good that you have been in contact with her for over a year rather than having that be new too.

I imagine after the meeting tomorrow you will know more of what will be happening with your daughters treatment.  Does she seem accepting of the program and her diagnosis so far?  From what I understand treatment is a long process but it can be done.  Family support is vital.

What can or do you do to take care of yourself? 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi KHC_33, 

Nice to hear from you, but what a lot you have on your plate! I agree with Harri: what are you doing to be kind to you?

For myself, I find that I need to do things to off load the stress because it becomes too much to handle. For each of us it can be something different such as exercise, journaling, hiking, etc. What do you like to do?

I'm especially glad to hear from you and that you are sharing with us here. It can help a lot. Please stay in touch!

 
Wools

[KHC_33]

I shut down. I just zone out. I watch pureflix, I am a CPDT (I train dogs, rescues and service dogs). That's my passion and I release a lot thru things I absolutely love to do. Lately has been difficult because my own health has taken a beating (lupus, impending 4th heart surgery, infusions and landing in a wheelchair few months ago). My fiancé and I are heading out of town next week for a cardiologist appointment and we are coming a day earlier to rest and have some down time. Honestly I need it. This week has been crazy between my daughter's suicide choice and self harm. I am very proud of myself reflecting on how I have handled each situation.  I am proud how I am doing regarding each situation has they occur

One of the biggest things I am doing for myself is coming here.  I thought to myself time to call the reinforcements! LOL. You guys are my permission to let my guard down and acknowledge it sucks but I know I have more to learn and perhaps more to heal from

PS. Yes my daughter is shocked. Extremely receptive to treatment. Afraid that we will end up with N/C with our relationship. I reassured her we will work together and as individuals within ourselves - she needs to know I am here.

Warm hugs