separation

[Gleetrick]

Hello I am husband who is going to see  2 counsellors weekly along with my wife who I believe suffers from BPD and Depression for years now and refuses to acknowledge this and goes on to verbally abuse me  and has turned our 3 younger children against me and refuses to acknowledge this also. We are still living in the same home but different bedrooms for the past 2-3 yrs. In therapy tonight she started to cry saying to the counsellors that I am verbally abusing her . When she gets bad I stand firm and tell her to acknowledge her 'mental issues' which she takes huge exception to, but she has for years now refused to acknowledge or accept there's anything wrong with her while making my life a misery at home especially when I'm off work. The children aged 17, 15 and 12 are convinced I treat her badly. I have only stood up for myself stating what I thought was wrong with her. The isolation is awful to say the least, I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.

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[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi there and welcome to bpdfamily.  We are a supportive community and glad you have posted here.

That sounds like a really tough situation for you.  Sorry you are having these troubles.  Are the  counselors you are seeing marriage counselors?  What do the counselors advise?  If we know a little more about your situation, we can be better able to help.

Take care.  Looking forward to hearing more.

Mustbeabetterway

[Radcliff]

I have three children close to your children's ages, and understand how tough a situation like yours can be.

Because of the nature of BPD, your wife is almost certainly never going to acknowledge that she has a mental illness, so trying to get her to understand that is just going to feed the conflict.  We can help you develop more subtle strategies to more effectively address the problems with your wife and children.

Can you give us some more detail about your wife's problem behavior and how you respond to it?

RC