My boyfriend gets mad over the smallest things

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am not sure that my boyfriend has BPD.  He does get mad over the smallest things that are often his perceptions.  He does have black and white thinking.  He does think I am the best person in one moment and in the next, totally ignore me and act as if he cannot stand me.  He gets mad if I do not do what he wants me to do, when he wants me to do it.  I feel like he wants all of my attention on him.  He does not have the suicidal or self-harm characteristics though.  He can get mad over a very small thing and he will stay upset for 2-3 days then he will tell me he is sorry.  We will start all over again.  He has gotten mad at me over:
1) running a little later than expected from work (20-30 min) expected me to call or text but i was held up by a coworker so i could not but he did not seem to understand that answer.  I texted him when coworker left my office
2)  taking care of an important situation with my teenage son because he wanted me to come to bed with him (probably because he wanted sex)
3)  mad because I did not clean the basement when he wanted me to--I was cleaning other areas of house
4) upset at my aunt's memorial service because I did not touch him and include him enough (said he was sure there was no way I loved him)
5)  did not ask him for help lighting the pilot light on heater
6)  did not act excited enough when his kids came over ( I was nice but not bubbly enough)
7)  usually gets upset when he wants sex and we do not have it (I have to act enthusiastic too--not like going through motions)
8)  does not like for me to have my phone out in his presence  (hates this more than anything)
9)  got mad because I did not call him and entertain him when he was driving an hour to see me
10)  gets mad  and refuses to talk about it (usually leaves my presence for several hours) and then gets upset with me if I call my best friend because I need someone to talk this out with
11)  bailed last minute on coming to my son's birthday dinner but was mad when we went home and did not include him in a birthday picture

These are a few of the things he gets mad at me about.

[RaiderShine]

I am not sure that my boyfriend has BPD.  He does get mad over the smallest things that are often his perceptions.  He does have black and white thinking.  He does think I am the best person in one moment and in the next, totally ignore me and act as if he cannot stand me.  He gets mad if I do not do what he wants me to do, when he wants me to do it.  I feel like he wants all of my attention on him.  He does not have the suicidal or self-harm characteristics though.  He can get mad over a very small thing and he will stay upset for 2-3 days then he will tell me he is sorry.  We will start all over again.  He has gotten mad at me over:
1) running a little later than expected from work (20-30 min) expected me to call or text but i was held up by a coworker so i could not but he did not seem to understand that answer.  I texted him when coworker left my office
2)  taking care of an important situation with my teenage son because he wanted me to come to bed with him (probably because he wanted sex)
3)  mad because I did not clean the basement when he wanted me to--I was cleaning other areas of house
4) upset at my aunt's memorial service because I did not touch him and include him enough (said he was sure there was no way I loved him)
5)  did not ask him for help lighting the pilot light on heater
6)  did not act excited enough when his kids came over ( I was nice but not bubbly enough)
7)  usually gets upset when he wants sex and we do not have it (I have to act enthusiastic too--not like going through motions)
8)  does not like for me to have my phone out in his presence  (hates this more than anything)
9)  got mad because I did not call him and entertain him when he was driving an hour to see me
10)  gets mad  and refuses to talk about it (usually leaves my presence for several hours) and then gets upset with me if I call my best friend because I need someone to talk this out with
11)  bailed last minute on coming to my son's birthday dinner but was mad when we went home and did not include him in a birthday picture

These are a few of the things he gets mad at me about.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

An exact diagnosis is not important -- the important news is that all of the situations you outline are similar to situations other members have brought to the board, and in these situations there are coping tools you can learn to help make things better.  Let's take #2 for example.  Can you give us more detail on how the situation unfolded?  We don't need to know the issue with your son; concentrate on how you took leave from your bf, his response, and how you responded to his response.

These situations, especially when all combined and recurring, can be very frustrating!  The good news is that you can work to improve things.

RC

[once removed]

this is fairly common to people with BPD traits (though not unique to them)... .expecting people to read their mind and know their needs, without communicating them.

how we respond or dont respond is important... .how we positively reinforce communication of needs is important... .there are a lot of tools that can help you navigate.

how long have the two of you been together, and at what point did this become a problem between you?