Tell us more about yourself?

[Parents! Get help here!]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  I have a D23 with BPD symptoms, along with substance abuse

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  My ex-husband (D23's dad) has diagnosed BPD  

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  Bright, analytical mind.    

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  D23 has substance abuse issues, and left an abusive relationship about 2 years ago.  She has 4yo son, and is single-parenting. Despite being academically gifted, she can't seem to make up her mind about what she wants to do, and has not graduated from college. Lack of drive and ability to stick with anything. She has never stuck with a job for more than 6 months.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child? At first the most frustrating thing was the lying.  Now, it is the fact that she does not seem to be able to prioritize anything in her life in a mature way. She will ask me to help pay for daycare or rent, and then the next thing I know, she's paid $300 for a tatoo.  The more I give, the more she will take.  Some days I feel like I've lost all compassion because I'm just so tired.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Although she does not share her medical records with me, I would say diagnosed. I've seen some of the things her therapist has her working on (like mindfulness) and think they recognize her BPD.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Feeling guilty when I set boundaries. Wondering if there is something I did/didn't do that contributed to this behavior.  Many days I wonder if I should seek custody of my grandson.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  D23 goes to therapy, although it seems to be off and on.  She has also gone through an outpatient alcohol abuse treatment, but did not follow up with support meetings.  I have consistently gone to counseling for the last couple of years.  

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  Get and give support.  There are so many times when I wonder if I'm overreacting, or when I just can not share one more insane story with friends.  Then I come here and know that I'm not alone.  

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[thinkingthinking]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  I have a D23 with BPD symptoms, along with substance abuse

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  My ex-husband (D23's dad) has diagnosed BPD  

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  Bright, analytical mind.    

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  D23 has substance abuse issues, and left an abusive relationship about 2 years ago.  She has 4yo son, and is single-parenting. Despite being academically gifted, she can't seem to make up her mind about what she wants to do, and has not graduated from college. Lack of drive and ability to stick with anything. She has never stuck with a job for more than 6 months.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child? At first the most frustrating thing was the lying.  Now, it is the fact that she does not seem to be able to prioritize anything in her life in a mature way. She will ask me to help pay for daycare or rent, and then the next thing I know, she's paid $300 for a tatoo.  The more I give, the more she will take.  Some days I feel like I've lost all compassion because I'm just so tired.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Although she does not share her medical records with me, I would say diagnosed. I've seen some of the things her therapist has her working on (like mindfulness) and think they recognize her BPD.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Feeling guilty when I set boundaries. Wondering if there is something I did/didn't do that contributed to this behavior.  Many days I wonder if I should seek custody of my grandson.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  D23 goes to therapy, although it seems to be off and on.  She has also gone through an outpatient alcohol abuse treatment, but did not follow up with support meetings.  I have consistently gone to counseling for the last couple of years.  

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  Get and give support.  There are so many times when I wonder if I'm overreacting, or when I just can not share one more insane story with friends.  Then I come here and know that I'm not alone.  

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[meantcorn34]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  

Single adoptive parent of 21 year old daughter diagnosed with BP and BPD.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  

I have bipolar, but no one else has a personality disorder.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  

She can be a lovely, kind, helpful person.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  

She dropped out of high school. Will not stick with anything

like a job or returning to school to get a GED. Dabbles in illegal drugs. Has trouble making or keeping friends. Rages. Lying. Cannot manage money. I was her payee for her Social Security Disability, but she had me replaced with an abusive girlfriend who uses dd's money to buy herself an I phone, used car, etc. DD left home to go half-way across the country with this girl.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  

She can be quite abusive to me. She's learned to control physical aggression towards me, but the verbal abuse and property destruction is terrible. She's been arrested several times and is on probation.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  

Diagnosed BP AND BPD

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  

Co-dependency, my own mental health issues. While I am very worried about dd, it is such a relief that she no longer lives with me. I feel better than I have in years. Happy and guilty at the same time.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  

I have been in treatment for many years. DD was a special needs adoption so had all kinds of services including behavioral health from preschool age. She refused to go to therapy from age 17, but started again last year. Dropped out again a few months ago when she left home.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  

My goals are to learn more about BPD, share experiences with other parents and learn from one another.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Rapt Reader]

Since we've got lots of new members on the Parenting a Son or Daughter w/BPD Board since the last post on this thread, I was hoping that you Newbies would check this survey out and tell us more about yourselves here. It helps to keep us on track with the needs and situations of the posters on Parenting a Child, and is a good introduction for those of you who are shy 

Also, if you are a veteran member of this Parenting a Child Board but haven't filled this survey out yet, I'd love to invite you to participate... .  Your situation and needs are important, too 

[muffetbuffet]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Adoptive mother to 17 yr old daughter and her biological brother (age 21).  DD has a big list of diagnoses including ADHD, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, R/O bipolar... .BPD has been mentioned several times, but due to daughter's age, we have been told she is too young for this diagnosis.  DD and her brother have lived with my husband and I for 10 years.  Have been happily married for 17 years. 

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  DD's biological family has significant history of many mental health issues in addition to substance abuse (alcohol and drugs).  Biological sister demonstrates similiar traits of our dd. 

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  Dd can be a kind and caring person.  She is intelligent when she puts full effort into what she is doing.  She works well with children.  Dd loves to take photos and is pretty good at it. 

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  DD is currently not living with us.  She decided that she could no longer live under our roof with our "strict rules" so she travelled halfway across the USA to live with bio sister.  When that did not work out after a few weeks, she moved in with the family of her newly found boyfriend.  Unfortunately, due to her move, she did not complete the school year.  Graduation is most likely not going to happen.  Other major challenge with DD is issues with her bio brother.  Bio brother and dd do not get along at all.  Son will not even come home if DD is at our home :'( The non stop drama that seems to be 24/7 at times.  Still dealing with it even though DD is not living under our roof. 

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  The non stop drama that seems to be 24/7 at times.  Still dealing with it even though DD is not living under our roof.  The constant need for attachment with a boyfriend.  She goes from one guy to another often.  No respect for herself.     

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Undiagnosed.     

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Right now I struggle with "trying to fix things in her life".  I know that DD is not in a good situation.  She is safe, but seems to be unhappy.  Right now, I am her best friend when two months ago, I was her greatest enemy.  How do I let down my guard to allow her "in" when I know she is going to just hurt me again?   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  We have been through family therapy and individual therapy several times.  DD was in an RTF placement for 8 months (ages 13 - 14) and also hospitalized for close to one month.  At this time, no one is in therapy.  DD is also not on her medication as she is old enough to decide to take meds or not at this time.     

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  Safe place to vent, support from others and for others and knowledge.   

TAKE THE PLEDGE

[murmom]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  

Mother of a diagnosed daughter age 16

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  

Daughter's paternal grandmother has BPD traits; a cousin of mine is diagnosed BPD/bipolar

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  

She has a very caring heart when in the right frame of mind.  

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  

My daughter is very implusive and makes dangerous choices.  She is way behind in high school and only a little over a year from being 18.  She has a destructive peer group that we left behind in another state.  She tends to flock to these types, however, and that concerns me for her future.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  

My daughter lies about everything, even inconsequential things, so having a relationship based on trust is pretty much impossible.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  

My daughter is diagnosed.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  

Grief over letting go of the daughter I knew before she starting showing symptoms.  Fear of what will happen to my daughter when she is 18 and can legally make her own decisions for her life, including mental health care.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  

My daughter is currently hospitalized in a state facility.  She has intensive therapy there every day.  I am in therapy once a week.  Family therapy in the state facility will start once my daughter is out of the locked unit.  

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  

Learn to process my grief/emotions better and learn to live with this.  Help others that are going through the confusion of this disorder.  


TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[jessmomof8]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Mother of a 14yo pwBPD

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  Wondering if my deceased grandfather had BPD.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She is so beautifully creative.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  Wanting to hurt herself.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  She won't talk to me.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Her psychiatrist diagnosed her.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Grief over losing who she was or who I thought she was and fear over what is going to happen in the future if she doesn't get better.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  She and I are in regular CBT right now. No one offers DBT in our area.  I'm looking at RTCs for her.  My husband and I are taking a teleclass for parents/family members of people with BPD.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  Regaining some sanity, finding some support.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[njva4]

What type of relationship are you in? I am the mother of 4 kids the oldest shows indications of BPD but unfortunately can not be officially diagnosed until she is an adult.



Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD? I believe my sister in law may have BPD because she has a lot of the same tendencies as my daughter



What is your child's strongest quality? My daughter is very artistic, she loves to draw and she loves to do photography, you never see her without her camera



What are the top challenges your child is facing? My daughter is the type to blow up at you, so she is ruled by her emotions, SHe is having a lot of trouble in school she is in trouble with truancy she has only went to school 14 days out of 28 days. She has anxiety issues and she is self harming, and i believe she is doing drugs. Has been hospitalized for a suicide attempt.



What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child? Honestly, getting her to go to school is awful for me, getting her to take her medicines is hard as well.



How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed? my daughter is undiagnosed at this time, but six counselors have told me that she has indicators of having BPD. She has been diagnosed with ADD and Bipolar, semi anti social.


What do you struggle with yourself? in 2009 I was diagnosed with: Manic depressive anti social bi-polar with suicidal tendencies.  I guess my daughter gets it from me .


Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?  My 16 year old daughter

If so, what types? my daughter does day treatment 2 times a day, group therapy 2 times a week, in home therapy 2 times a week and see's a psychiatrist.


What are your goals at bpdfamily.com? I want to learn how to deal with this diagnosis and figure out how to help my daughter through this

[rml]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  My 20 year old son was dx as bipolar as a child but now has all symptoms of BPD.  He refuses treatment.   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  Unknown.  Possibly his biological father. 

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  He can be very caring.   

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  Accepting that he needs help.  Learning to manage his relationships.   

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  His refusal to help himself.   

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  Misdiagnosed as a child and now untreated.   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Guilt from refusing to enable him.   

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  I had him in constant treatment including therapy, medication, hospitalizations when needed, until he turned 18.  Then he rebelled.   

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To have a sounding board.  To find people that relate to my feelings and will help affirm that I'm dealing with things the correct way or show me when I am not.  Hopefully I can do this for others eventually as well. 

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Heavenly]

My 23 year old daughter has been diagnosed following repeated visits,  to the emergency dept as having BPD. She doesn't remember, but understands that her symptoms are not classic depression. She took herself off anti depressant due to big weight gain. She refused to seeks in or out patient therapy. I have been on my own for 12 years after initiating separation from her dad after 12 years of marriage. ( thus the mountain of guilt). She was 11 at the time. She had her first suicidal ideation when she was 16 when she felt rejected by her father and his partner. She has had numerous suicidal expressions since using a gaiety of means, cutting, walking in front of cars, trying to jump off buildings, mostly drugs, alcohol and too many pills . She also has had 2 abortions and suffers terribly from this. She also has got herself into a lot of debt . I am her constant support, but she is so hard to live with. I am constantly on edge and treading lightly.   I am finding it harder more recently and now wonder if I am suffering PTSD from the trauma of helping her through so many crises. I have a demanding job as team leader of 13 professional staff, so I am looking out for them too. I am withdrawing from friends and feel like resigning and quitting my job and  life... .Running away. I have no energy or vigour for life. I am struggling to even make it to church or read my bible. I feel so inadequate and helpless. I don't want to talk to friends or family, I am too tired and a little ashamed. I feel,that I am letting my team and work down, I cannot concentrate and make frequent errors. I am pulling out all my therapy skills to support myself, I know the drill. Taking antidepressants, seeking counselling, medical check ups, get out in the garden, try to walk, push myself to socialise, got a cleaner,  trying to find things to look forward to and keep me positive and forward thinking. However I feel that despite all these efforts I am in quick sand... .And sinking... .My daughter is away on a farm at the moment and seems a little better recently, a little more insightful to the effect of alcohol and it's triggering effects upon her impulsive suicidal acts. ( she has just been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver). She is trying to start again, 23 no job, only a diploma, too heavy to pursue her modelling as she did in her teens, sold her horses (" the only thing she is interested in besides men" ) due to increasing debt. She is very clever an beautiful and has so much to live for. Do I help her out of her debt to help her start again? She wants to go interstate, last time it nearly ended in disaster and I had to fly over and bring her home. I am exhausted and need a friend! Thank you wonderful people for listening.

[lizgeiling]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Adoptive parent of daughter 25, who came to me from Russia at age 5 after living in an orphanage since birth.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  None that I know of.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  She the most determined person I have ever known.  If she decided to do something, nothing stops her.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  Keeping her temper under control.
  
  Relationship with her mother and adopted brother
  
  Relationships with significant others in her life

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  Her mood swings are terrible.  One minute I am the best mom in the world, the next I am a terrible person.  If you don't like somthing wait, it will change... .

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  She was diagnosed with BPD at age 19, has PTSD, and ADD.

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  I struggle with self-worth, depression, co-dependence issues, and PTSD

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  We have all had some therapy.  None of us are currently in therapy.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To get support for handling my emotions regarding my daughter, to learn more about BPD, and to gain skills in parenting her so that I can have her in my life.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[Rapt Reader]

With 2015 in swing, and new (or Lurker) parents reading and maybe posting on the Parenting a Son or Daughter with BPD Board, I would like to invite you to tell us about yourselves so we can better meet your needs.

Whether you have already posted on the Board somewhere else, or haven't yet posted, I encourage you to tell us why you are here. We are interested in whatever you have to tell us 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ohiomom01]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  

Parent to 15 year old

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  

no one

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  

Often very strong willed and not easily persuaded.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  

Feels worthless, unloved, shut off from friends and world, struggles to attend school, eats poorly, sleeps a lot or stays secluded, looks for outside validation from BF online, manipulates others to show they care

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  

Struggle to know how to say the right things. I am very judgmental of all the things we want her to do to change. Frustrated that she doesn't want to change and doesn't do much to actively change. I often feel resentful that my life revolves around her so much and has affected me so much.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  

Diagnosised BPD, deep depression, anxiety/panic attack

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  

I open my mouth before I think about what I say. I am good at remaining calm most of the time but am constantly showing judgement/disappointment.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  

Daughter sees psychiatrist roughly once a month for med check. Sees psychologist once a week. I was seeing a therapist for a few months but the therapist was basically telling me I was doing a great job. Don't feel they were well versed in DBT and couldn't help me with that.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  

I am often stuck with not knowing what I should say or do. I get caught between two ways to respond. Would like help from others to help guide me learn better ways to communicate so I can alleviate some of my daughter's suffering and so I am not constantly leaning on friends and my husband for exhausting support.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[NettieLynn]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  

  Mother/daughter

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  

 Nobody

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  

  Honest, beautiful, caring girl

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  

 Loving herself

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  

 I never know which child I will be dealing with

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  

 They won't label her BPD until age 18

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  

 Wishing she were different, a normal teenager, enjoying herself

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  

 She is in therapy.  We did family therapy for awhile.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  

 I need handle everything better, be more educated.


TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

[stepmomma]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  Stepmom/stepdaughters.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  I don't know, possibly their mother but she has passed away and was never diagnosed with anything she did have a severe substance abuse problem. 

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  I have two stepdaughters a 19yo and 18yo. 19yo is compassionate. 18yo funny, hard working.   

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  19yo -substance abuse, risky behaviors. 18yo - suicide ideation, attention seeking. 

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  Anger and lying both of them.   

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  19yo --undiagnosed. 18yo diagnosed.   

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  Anxiety

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  19yo - no. 18yo - yes. Parents -- starting   

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  I need to deal with this better, I need more information and to be able to get some practical advice.   

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE