Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
May 20, 2019, 08:10:29 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familar, Flourdust, Mutt, Only Human, Turkish
Ambassadors: Enabler, FaithHopeLoveKC, formflier, I Am Redeemed, itsmeSnap, Ozzie101, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Just found out that spouse has BPD, but really I've known for a while...  (Read 60 times)
Smithu
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

Person in your life: Romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: December 07, 2018, 09:05:50 PM »

Hi Everyone

I'm so glad there is help and support for people living with someone with BPD. I recently found out from my spouse's therapist that she has BPD, but she hasn't told her. Not sure why that is, but I will ask next time I have a session with the therapist. I know it's not my place to tell my spouse she has BPD, but the worst of the issues that come up are I think because of it.

Based on what I've read from the 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' book, her BPD is the invisible sort where people won't believe me if I tell them. My spouse is very high-functioning, but the long-term damage she does to me and especially our kids is awful. For all the years I've been married to her, I thought her rages were because I wasn't up to scratch - especially my parenting skills. Now, I see that her behavior fits the BP pattern.

I feel isolated and become angry sometimes that I can't do anything. Sometimes I want to throw it back in her face and watch her have a nervous breakdown when she realizes what she has done because she has BPD. I know that isn't the right thing to do though.

I know I didn't cause it. I know I can't control it. I know I can't cure it. The therapist thinks that she is the sort of BP that will deny having it and never seek help. I tend to agree. I can take of myself, but what about our kids?

Smithu
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Other
Posts: 11235


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2018, 09:40:37 PM »

Hi Smithu,

I'm glad that you found us.

Many therapists won't share a BPD diagnosis with a patient.  My HMO won't,  but will refer them to DBT if needed.  At the core of BPD is shame. I read a recovered pwBPD (person with BPD) put it like this: "my feelings are inherently worthless and don't matter,  therefore I'm inherently worthless and don't matter." This is why we stress validation as a first level communication tool (see specifically Lesson 3 at the top of the board in Lessons).

But what specifically is going on with you, what's hurting the most? How old are the kids and how are they being affected?

High functioning is certainly hard to deal with.  It can result in one feeling alone and isolated.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2018-2019 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
2020
_EndofLine_
12years
40days_in_desert
55books
99tesla
Aegina
agapanthus
Akiah
AKV
alphabeta
anafili
AnalogGuy
Andrew Towle
AnuDay
apocalypsenow
AriesTears
AskingWhy
aslowrealization
Astray
At Bay
babyducks
Baglady
batcon
beatrixkiddo
BeenThereB4
bestintentions
BetterLanes
bgg2745
Bittlecat
Ble55ed
BobbyLongshot
BobsBurger
BodieMarie
Boll Weevil
Boll2017
btfly745
BuckeyHusband
busybee1116
Butch13
Caco Canepa
Cat Familiar
ccjaxmom
ccpow
chayka
Chelle3
chillamom
chump
Chynna
Circle
cj488
ClearPath
clvrnn
CookieMonster80
Copycat2018
coworkerfriend
crestfallen72
CryWolf
Deb
defogging
devnid
DharmaGate
Dignity&Strength
DivDad
Dkandyk
Dotner
DoubleBP2018
Doughboy
drained1996
dumpsterdog
Duped 1
eeps
eggshelldad
Ela2011
Elpis51
Enabler
Enjoysnooker
Ex-Mother-In-Law
Eye438
FaithHopeLoveKC
fb97
Feeling Better
Fie
Firstintime
foggydew
ForeverDad
ForeverDevoted
Fossil49
Fragileweed
Francesca92
freespirit
Gemsforeyes
gettingoverit
gloveman
gorges
gotbushels
Greta1988
Hadenoughtimes4
HappyChappy
HarborBP
Harley Quinn
Harri
heartandwhole
Help_WifeIsCrazy
Hope26
hope2727
Hope80
Hopeful15
houseofelvis
Hyacinth Bucket
I Am Redeemed
IamWoman
Iloveher
incadove
Isanni
jdc
JeanGenie
Jerome Finn
JoeBPD81
joeramabeme
jones54
Jonthan
just me.
k-bliss
k54
kabunk
KarlTOO
Lbjnltx
Leah66
Learning Fast
Learnnow
leenlou
Libra
LilMe
Long_term_dad
Lovelycat
lovenature
Loving a BP
loyalwife
Luan
Lucky Jim
mama-wolf
Manifest32f
Maniplus
Maple
maried
Markey
MARS22
MeandThee29
mims
mmelibrarian
Momofadultbpd
mousemat
Mousse
mscj
mumabear
Mustbeabetterway
Mutt
naturalturn
ncDaisy2
nedley
needPeace
NGU
no_more_guilt
Northern girl
NorthernGirl
Notgoneyet
OffRoad
Omega1
Only Human
otherlife
Pam Letgo
Panda39
pcglee
peaceandlove
PeacefulMom
Pina colada
pjmanley41
prof
ProudDad12
Pugman
purpletrixie
QBert
qcarolr
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Red5
RedRyder
Reforming
ReluctantSurvivor
risingup4
robotss
Rocko
RolandOfEld
Sad4Her
sadandlonely
SamwizeGamgee
schwing
SCM
Scottie345
scrambledbeans
sdyakca
seahorse
seekerofgrace
Seekinghelp25
SerendipityChild
SES
Skip
sklamath
SkyAntoine
smallbluething
Solidshadow
Soulslider
Spam591
spero
sterlingblue
Stevenson
still around
stimpy
stolencrumbs
StressedOutDaily
SuCanDo
Sumsaam
SweetCharlotte
sweetheart
Sweetpea18
Swimmy55
takingandsending
taoyr2000
Tattered Heart
tbone1689
Teno
terranova79
theschnitz
tinker0608
Tinkerbelle
trappeddad
TRB
trumpetjazzman
truthbeknown
Tsultan
twocrazycats
TylersMom
utnapishtim428
Vanilla Sky
Vexed
walkinthepark247
Want2Know
Waveney
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
whirlpoollife
Whoad
why-how-whatnow
WileyCoyote
wilting
WindofChange
Woolspinner2000
Yaffle
zemara
Zen606
zoome46

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2019, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!