I saw the messages this morning.

[Pytagoras]

She never said she wanted to breakup. And she said she loves me and always will. What she always said is that she was feeling really really hurt, so hurt that she couldn't even speak and so she wanted distance.

What i think that wasnt working:

- I wasn't so patient has i was before, and i had really hard time listening to her complaints, and not validanting her feelings. She told me a lot of times "This are my feelings. I have the right to feel them" and "you dont listen to me".

- I wasn't so present has i was in the begining.

- She started suspicious about other women, mainly after i returned to Facebook. I didn't wanted her to see my conversations nor did i wanted her to be my friend on Facebook. I said to her that i suffered a lot with her suspicions on the past and when i saw she was better, all could return. She was always speaking about this. Mainly, all her complaints were about this.

- She invited me to live with her in her new house and i didn't manifest much interest in that, altough didn't recuse.

- I criticized her a lot. And i think she started to think that i was not happy with her.

My idea was not to say something that would say that is her fault, or her issue. Was to say that i am really sorry that i didn't validate her feelings in the past, and validate her hurt feelings right now. Because since we brokeup, she told me several times that she is hurt and i never validated her hurt properly.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pytagoras]

Skip,

It seems to me that you are assumig that I was/am a clingy guy and that she is breaking up because she is bored of it.

I was the one who was more detached.

I believe that she thinks the opposite. That i did not loved her and was detaching.

After the breakup i started suffering and pursued her a little, yes.

I'm feeling guilty, because i was hurt and i couldn't be a patient, loving guy has i was before, i didn't validate her feelings. and i were more distanced. But i still loved her.

I already told her that i would like to fix things and there were some aspects that i know that i can improve. But i never really validate her hurt.

[Pytagoras]

My native language is not english and i note that sometimes my translations of the messages are not faithful to the original, and sometimes it losts some of their meaning... .

[Skip]

It seems to me that you are assuming that I was/am a clingy guy and that she is breaking up because she is bored of it.

I'm not making that assumption 

You (and I) don't know the reason why she is being distant, right? We only know that she is has not cut you off and she has not invited you in. It's limbo now. She flutters in and flutters out at her convenience.

This is the hardest thing for men to deal with. You don't want to do anything to push her away and at the same time you don't want to look like some worthless sap who will jump for breadcrumbs. There is very little you can do in this situation to improve things and a lot you can do to make it worse.

Ideally, when she opens up a bit more, it would be good to have lunch and ask her what is wrong and listen.  Then think - maybe chat here - and then decide what to do.

In the mean time, just be very nonchalant for a few weeks, if she doesn't pull more on you, you could ask for lunch.  If she says no, I would start thing in terms of exploring other options.

Does that help?

[Pytagoras]

I agree with what you've said.  Thk you.

Yes, it's a very difficult position to be in. I should go meet her face-to-face and talk with her, as she already tried to do with me. Maybe that's what she wanted to. I think that if i did that in the begining, she would be pleased. But now it passed 1 month.

So, no validation texting ?

[Bnonymous]

I am locking this thread as it has now reached the posting limit. The original poster is welcome to start a new thread to continue the discussion.