Limited communication... No talking

[Jimievs]

It's feels like she had a need for me to become strong? And maybe that need has gone

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Red5]

*when she leaves and becomes a different person if that makes sense,

*I am apprehensive that this could be final discard?

*She's been talking online with her ex and another guy alot recently... .

*... .until she tried suicide and I intervened... .

*last time we split was only probably 3 months ago... .

*So I'm kinda of preparing for the worst which sucks //

She's been talking online with her ex and another guy alot recently

... .a "deal-breaker"... .a boundary?... .has she crossed it?

Thoughts,

Red5

[Jimievs]

Yeh it is a boundary, I've told her how I feel about it, she says there nothing in it just friends talking ... .I'm controlling she can't do what she wants

I've backed down on everything that has happened and let it go... .

[Jimievs]

Things that have happened have been a relationship breaker with most people... .Family can't understand why I'm.still in it ... .Sometimes I don't know... .

I met her when I wasnt in the best place mentally and she brought something I was missing, love affection ... .

[Jimievs]

People say that my angry reaction with her is down to how she pushes and tests me, hard thing is even so I feel it's unacceptable and ashamed, when we met she told me how people had treated her and I couldn't believe it, how can people do that ... .Then I became the same

[Red5]

*Yeah it is a boundary,

*I've told her how I feel about it, she says there nothing in it just friends talking... .

*I'm controlling she can't do what she wants... .

*I've backed down on everything that has happened and let it go... .

So flip it, in your own mind... what if Jimievs started talking to his ex girlfriend online... .and maybe the cute redhead down the street... .

I wonder what would happen?

Would your gf; person with BPD, "just let that go".

I wonder?

... .let it go

We certainly cannot, and don't want to "control" our significant others in a romantic relationship, but we also must not be their 'doormat'... ."let it go" is a good way to go, but that also includes letting her go, if she wants to go.

I heard a while back, on one of the endless YouTube videos I've been 'binging' on of late, the man said... ."once there is abuse, either emotional or physical abuse in a relationship, then that relationship is over... .trust is lost, damaged most times beyond reconciliation, ie' irrevocably... .and we must act accordingly.

Tough stuff,

Hang in there, and take care of yourself Jimievs,

Red5

[Jimievs]

She has said she wouldn't mind if I chatted to other women... .Or even kissed... .This to me is not right and I think how will I ever win( not a competition I know) how do I have boundaries with someone who doesn't seem to have any?

Yet her reaction to me talking to my cousin is one of jealousy, me and him are close probably become my best friend over the last few years ... .
 
It's like there are rules for her and for everyone else

[once removed]

it isnt a matter of just avoiding conflict.

its a matter of learning mature ways to resolve it, and the balance and coping skills not to make it worse.

we have spoke

what happened when you spoke?

[Jimievs]

She seems like a new person
There's positives that she spoke and said we can meet at weekend but in between there's an undertone of anger.
I've just apologised and took responsibility for my behaviour and rang doctors to maybe find some help for myself, but really it's mainly very distant like a new person, crumbs I guess

[Jimievs]

I know finding the balance is important I suppose when I get told to F off and have the phone put down on me hundreds of times even though I say thats not very nice for me to deal with for no apparent reason ( that's just what she does according to her)... .That there's a point when I can't take it and tell her to F off... .I know it's not good, I know all the time and effort and reading I do I just wasted

[Jimievs]

Thanks for all your care and interest it certainly helps me to get things out
I do take on board alot of advice and hopefully being on here can help me with future progress
Maybe a break will end up being what me and my partner need

Cheers all

[Yellowpearl]

I am locking this thread because it has reached its length limit. The post originator is welcomed to open a continuation thread on this topic.