Incessant Anxiety

[ANewLeaf]

Hello all, I need help. I am suffering what I consider to be very high levels of chronic anxiety.
I am currently in a relationship and as I was abandoned by  both my parents ( at different points, they of course abused me in all the ways one could be abused first... .and then abandoned me)
I suffer from severe relationship anxiety.
I am constantly wondering:
-Am I enough
-If I do something new, will they leave me
-if I am not nice enough etc
-If I share my feelings will they leave

then I think... .Ok Im fine without this person really, its ok, I'll be fine!
and then I think... .why cant I ever be in the moment Im always either:
-I dont need yoU!
-I need you!

Why cant I just be in the moment? I don't let the person in on my thoughts and fears of course... .or else Id be single... .but suffering in silence is taking a toll on my mental health.

Does anyone else get severe anxiety due to high cortisol levels from constantly being in fight or flight mode for years on end?

I do go to therapy by the way... .but I can talk about these issues until Im blue in the face... .I still have to apply the exercises and techniques... .but I literally feel keyed up on a cellular level.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome! 

Several of us are dealing with anxiety issues including PTSD, so yes, we can relate to having anxiety.  All of us on this board experienced abuse over a long period of time too.  You are not alone in this.  It can be quite debilitating but it can also get better too.

It is good you are in therapy.  Is your T aware of how much you struggle in your relationship?  Do you take any medication to help you with your anxiety?  Have you ever?  What sort of exercises and techniques do you do to help with this?

I am glad you are reaching out here. 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi ANewLeaf, 

Welcome, and thank you for being open and sharing with us. You will certainly find members here who understand what you have gone through and are going through now, just as Harri mentioned.

Yes, so much anxiety! It takes time to ease oneself away from it, and with childhood trauma what we learned is deeply ingrained in who we perceive that we are. Note that I did not say "who we are" but rather "who we perceive we are."  There is definitely a difference, and as my T has often said to me, "If it is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned; we can relearn and retrain our brains."

What types of things do you do to help lessen the anxiety? You mentioned exercise. Is there anything else in your 'toolbox' that you find helpful?

Wools

[emma1]

Check everywomanover29.com

There's interesting information on anxiety.