Leah66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« on: December 19, 2018, 11:04:35 PM » |
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Mostly things are ok but my husband is critical and I worry about his driving which is erratic. He takes antidepressants which help greatly, but if he does not take them he is nasty. I go through periods of happiness for a few months at a time and then suddenly he is a different person.
I try not to take things personally and enjoy my hobbies and friends. Sometimes it is very frustrating. Thank you for listening.
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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
 This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
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RolandOfEld
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« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2018, 11:24:17 PM » |
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Hi and welcome to the board!  You will find a supportive community here of people with similar experiences. The best way to get started is to post on other threads to gain context on your own situation. Life with a partner who seesaws back and forth between love and nastiness can indeed be extremely frustrating. Can you discuss your husband's behaviors in more detail? Under what conditions does he not take his medication? Sending you strength, RolandOfEld |
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Leah66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2018, 08:41:07 AM » |
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Thank you for replying. There was a few months when my husband did not take his antidepressant medication. We were away in Arizona and he forgot to bring them. We are snowbirds from Canada. He became very difficult and picked fights over very trivial things. At that time I was unaware of what the problem was. I did finally approach him and said that he needed to go back on them. He did not want to so I said that I cannot go on like this and would leave him. Finally he agreed and in a short space of time it was better. I did some research and his symptoms matched everything I read about BPD. He still has his moments but changing my own attitude has helped somewhat.
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once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12719
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« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2018, 03:10:13 PM » |
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how long have the two of you been together/married?
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 | | and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball… |
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Leah66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2018, 07:56:03 PM » |
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We have known each other for 3 years. Married just one year. I was a widow, and my husband was divorced after 26 years of being married. I am learning to have more defined limits. It is a challenge especially on a bad day when I am critisized a lot.
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RolandOfEld
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« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2018, 11:21:54 PM » |
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Thank you for the details Leah66.
It's good to hear you are focused on changing your own attitude. This is crucial to navigating a BPD relationship. It's also great that you still enjoy hobbies and friends. Many members here end up isolating themselves. I was this way until recently.
If there was an aspect of your life with your husband (not him himself) you could change immediately, which would it be?
~ROE
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Leah66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2018, 09:07:36 AM » |
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Thanks for the reply. I think I would not take things personally and not let things spoil my day. This is a big challenge for me.
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Bnonymous
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 485
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« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2018, 06:19:46 AM » |
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Hi Leah66, Welcome to the family! Thanks for the reply. I think I would not take things personally and not let things spoil my day. This is a big challenge for me.
That sounds like an excellent starting point for change. Are there times when you succeed at not taking things personally? If so, can you think back to the differences between the times when you take things personally and the times when you don't - what do you do/think/tell yourself that helps? |
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"You remind me of someone who is looking through a closed window and cannot explain to himself the strange movements of a passer-by. He doesn’t know what kind of a storm is raging outside and that this person is perhaps only with great effort keeping himself on his feet." - Ludwig Wittgenstein
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Leah66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2018, 12:17:47 PM » |
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Thanks for replying to my post. If I do laundry and he criticisizes how I fold the socks I do not take it personally as I am not personally attached to the laundry. If I initiate sex and he likes it but does not reciprocate to me I am disappointed especially when he say that I started it. This is true I did start it but it seems an unkind way to say it and it hurts my feelings.
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Bnonymous
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 485
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« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2018, 05:23:35 PM » |
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Hi Leah66,
I can see how that would be very hurtful and upsetting. Does this happen every time you initiate it? Does he ever initiate? If so, is it different then?
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"You remind me of someone who is looking through a closed window and cannot explain to himself the strange movements of a passer-by. He doesn’t know what kind of a storm is raging outside and that this person is perhaps only with great effort keeping himself on his feet." - Ludwig Wittgenstein
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Leah66
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 18
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« Reply #10 on: December 23, 2018, 06:57:11 PM » |
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It does not happen all the time. Sometimes it works well for both of us. I never know when the mood changes until it happens. However when it does I plan to go out and take a break. This seems to help
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Bnonymous
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 485
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« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2018, 03:53:02 AM » |
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How does he respond to you taking a break?
Are you ever able to talk with him about what's going on and why he sometimes doesn't reciprocate?
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"You remind me of someone who is looking through a closed window and cannot explain to himself the strange movements of a passer-by. He doesn’t know what kind of a storm is raging outside and that this person is perhaps only with great effort keeping himself on his feet." - Ludwig Wittgenstein
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