Hi mamabear and welcome to the board! I am glad you found us and I am glad you posted. The first one can be the hardest to do. We get it here. While I do not have kids of my own my mom was uBPD (undiagnosed BPD) I can relate to the emotions you talked about, specifically the guilt.
When we start changing our typical patterns of behaviors, setting limits and boundaries and sticking with them, we do get pushback from our pwBPD. It is called an extinction burst where they will ramp up their behaviors, often laying on the emotional blackmail and making threats. Stand firm though. It often gets worse before it gets better but it does get better.
About sending your son with your mom, listen to your gut. Think about it like this. If your mom is too toxic for you, an adult with power and ability to walk away, how is it okay for your son to spend the day with her? As you said, you can't fix things for your mom nor is it your job or your sons to be her pacifier. You are not the only one who has ever thought that way before so please take what I say knowing that I understand and am talking from a place of compassion and support.
Talk with us here about your anxiety of leaving your mom alone and the guilt you feel. Keep your two kids with you and enjoy your holiday and your time with them.
You will find as you settle in here that so many of us can relate, if not to the specific details, then certainly to the emotions. I hope you feel free to read and jump into other posts as that is the best way to benefit from an online support group.
