Starting to figure it out

[Pina colada]

As I have been working on healing from trauma bonds from a narcissist relationship it has helped me see things more clearly with my sister.  I have learned what "projection" really is.  I believe all the nasty things my sister writes on her chat forum about me and my parents and brother and immediate family is really her projecting her feelings of self loathing onto others as they are too painful for her to own.  I also realized that as I heal, I haven't really been thinking about her much as I am not being pulled to toxic people the way I was in the past and my sister is definitely toxic.  I haven't read her stuff on her chat for many months and while it would be nice to have a relationship with a sister, she first off is much older than I, and I was never able to truly bond to her as she was so abusive to me.  Just a reflection here and also a reason why I haven't been posting much lately.  I will try to read and post more and continue to work on healing inner trauma and am busy with homework as I work toward getting certified to teach yoga!

[Harri]

Hi pinacolada!  Projection is something that clicked with me and once it did it made a huge difference in terms of not taking things personally and being able to step back from a lot of the pain and drama.

Congrats on the yoga classes for certification!  Even better, congrats for continuing to stay away from what your sister writes. 

Can I suggest you think about posting here more often and especially when things are going well?  It is so much easier to work on us when we are not caught up in high emotions while in the middle of a conflict.  It is in the times of calm that this place works the best. 

Good to hear from you again BTW.  I've been wondering how you were doing!

[JNChell]

Pina colada. I’m glad that you’re posting. You know, some members only post when when they’re down. The real work is done when we’re not experiencing a crisis. I guess that I’m trying to  ask you to talk to us daily.

[HappyChappy]

it would be nice to have a relationship with a sister ... .getting certified !

Piona colada, I’m glad you picked up on projection.  I came to the same realisation about my older NPD bro. I had to grieve the brother I never had to stop allowing him back in, as every time I did he attacked me somehow. I kept letting him in , because he was blood and he was my BPD golden child, so she nagged me. But why do you keep letting your sister back in ?

I remember thinking I was very lucky to always have loyal and supportive friends. But on reflection, I probably had normally friends and very a unloyal brother and mom. So for me the only way has been NC with my bro. How are you going to protect against your sister ? I've tried garlic and holly water, and the don't work with my bro.

My T  had me grieve the brother I should have had, that helped me give up the ghost of our relationship. Would that help  you or could you manage low contact ? Wishing you peace.   

[JNChell]

Hey, PC. Trauma bonds are muddy territory and I’m glad that you brought up the topic. Bonding through trauma is easy. Unfortunately, it’s not sustainable. I’ve become very interested in bonding through values and virtues theses days.

Congrats on becoming a yoga instructor! How are things going with that?

[Pina colada]

Hi and Merry Christmas Eve!  So while I can not promise to come here every day you are so wise JNChell asI heal I will be sure post and read and hopefully help others! 
Iam not yet a yoga instructor.  It takes one year and I just started in October.  I am studying Himalayan Yoga which is the traditional path and loving it.  I also work full time so it keeps me busy! 
Happy Chappy, my sister cut me off last December, almost one year ago when I could not answer her why I was able to go "NC" with her and not the narcissistic boyfriend.  I told her I would think on it and get back to her as I was at the grocery store shopping after a full day of work but she hung up on me, sent me several texts and then cut me off and blocked so I could not respond.  I am used to this as she has always done that... .she can say whatever she wants to me but then she must block me and won't read my reply as she is too emotionally fragile or some other such rubbish.  After I decided not read what she wrote on Conduct Disorders (her chat forum) I am really not in touch with her in any way as I really reading her posts kept me entangled with her.  If she were to reach out to me I would not get back into that relationship.  After being with a narcissistic boyfriend for many years and learning what I have I have no desire to have any toxic relationships, even family.  She is toxic and I am much happier without narc ex boyfriend and my sister as well... .
Harri, projection was really hard for me to fully understand but you are right that once it clicks it is easier to not take their words personal as they are most probably talking about themselves.  Enjoy the holiday season!

[JNChell]

Hi, PC. Glad to chat again. I am far wise, but thank you. Keep up with what makes you feel good. That’s the key.

[JNChell]

I am far from wise. Just clearing that tid bit up.