Still torn apart

[StressedPanda]

Hello all,

When I was 12 I started interning at a cafe. My boss was in her early forties at the time, and so unique. I looked up to her a lot and she had great influence over me. At that age I didn’t notice how dysfunctional our relationship was. We spent hours together working, hanging out after hours, and running together. She would pick me up and either be really happy or in a terrible mood, usually complaining about one of the men she was sleeping with. There were 9 that I knew of. She was still married and had two middle school aged boys. She always talked about how terrible her husband was and how she couldn’t wait to get away from him. Things got messier and I always felt like I had to try to calm things down, but I never felt like it made a difference. She would confide in me about things that I was far too young to know. I eventually found out about some of her substance abuse issues, and that she had one friend in another state that she would meet up with to run marathons with. She got so mad at her husband at one point that she had witch doctors cast spells on them while in New Orleans for a marathon. She would often warn me that her exes were after her, that there were guns under the seat in the car, etc. She broke into a friend’s garage and keyed the cars and slashed the tires. It was a really unstable environment. I was constantly anxious and never knew how to help. One day she called me and asked me to not share her FB password with her new boyfriend. I had no reason to, so I told her I wouldn’t. Her boyfriend and mother called me screaming later that day that I had to give the password. After being yelled at as a 14 year old for quite awhile, I finally gave it to them. I texted her apologizing. She told me she was angry that I had betrayed her. She basically cut me off at that point and changed her phone number. At that age, after investing 2 years into a relationship with someone I looked up to, I was completely destroyed. I went into a pretty bad depression and didn’t know what to think about it all. I’m 20 now, and handling things much better but am visiting family and saw her while I was out today. Instantly it was like all of the pain came back. I’m just struggling with how to completely move on. Based on everything that happened in the relationship, my therapist said her behavior is typical of those with BPD, so I am just seeking any guidance from anyone that’s been through something similar.

[Harri]

Hi stressedpanda and welcome to the board.  I am glad you found us but sorry about the circumstances that brought you here. 

Everyone here on this site can relate in one way or another.  Most of us on this board are here because of family members with BPD or BPD traits and some with in-laws.  Friends too, so you will fit in just fine. 

It sounds like the relationship was pretty intense not to mention entirely inappropriate.  I don't mean you did anything wrong, but your older friend certain crossed lines.  I am sorry she exposed you to all of that and at such a young age on top of her leaning on your for support that most adult would have a hard time with.

I am not sure how to help you move on but we can all work on that together.  It is what we do here and the support and feedback is a great help.  I imagine seeing her was quite a shock.  What did you do when you saw her?  Do you think she saw you?

If you could say something to her, what would it be?