Now I understand: it's BPD ... Is this progress in our relationship?

[Depression = 72% of members]

The penny dropped today. My partner's most peculiar tendencies are adumbrated by this condition.

The immediate significance is that certain problems are not to do with 'us' but with her. Reading more on BPD has shone some light for me on what is going on during the now familiar but still baffling changes of mood, attitude and reception of me.

The most helpful insight at this point is that something consistent to do with her emotional world underlies the shifting appearances. The most pressing question is 'What is the best way to get over our latest verbal dust-up?' Longer term I want to make our relationship work provided I can manage its emotional and practical toll on me. She says she does not want to be with me but her actions have frequently encourage me to try to be more intimate. We have a son together who I see daily so we need to maintain a functional relationship in any case.

I have read about personality disorders before and could not gain a satisfactory idea of the borderline type. Now it makes sense. I suppose what I am looking for on this forum is sharing of problems and experiences and a bit of support with the issues that arise. I would also like to gain a better understanding of my partner/ex that would be helpful to our relationship.

Best wishes
'Colin'

[colinlogic]

The penny dropped today. My partner's most peculiar tendencies are adumbrated by this condition.

The immediate significance is that certain problems are not to do with 'us' but with her. Reading more on BPD has shone some light for me on what is going on during the now familiar but still baffling changes of mood, attitude and reception of me.

The most helpful insight at this point is that something consistent to do with her emotional world underlies the shifting appearances. The most pressing question is 'What is the best way to get over our latest verbal dust-up?' Longer term I want to make our relationship work provided I can manage its emotional and practical toll on me. She says she does not want to be with me but her actions have frequently encourage me to try to be more intimate. We have a son together who I see daily so we need to maintain a functional relationship in any case.

I have read about personality disorders before and could not gain a satisfactory idea of the borderline type. Now it makes sense. I suppose what I am looking for on this forum is sharing of problems and experiences and a bit of support with the issues that arise. I would also like to gain a better understanding of my partner/ex that would be helpful to our relationship.

Best wishes
'Colin'

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cailin]

Colin, great that you found this place! It has been unbelievably helpful for me to engage in conversations with those struggling to maintain sanity and figure out how things can get better, or at least not make them worse!
Knowing your partner may have BPD is a relief, but unfortunately it doesn’t easily translate into what to do about it! You might have to be a little more specific about what you are struggling with in regards to her and her moods. How do you think she impacts your son, for example.
Cailin

[Bnonymous]

Hi Colin,

Welcome to the family! 

I suppose what I am looking for on this forum is sharing of problems and experiences and a bit of support with the issues that arise. I would also like to gain a better understanding of my partner/ex that would be helpful to our relationship.

Then you're definitely in the right place.

The most pressing question is 'What is the best way to get over our latest verbal dust-up?'

Can you tell us what happened?