Back to hospital we go...

[ForeverDevoted]

Happy New Year to you all.
Today we go back to inpatient at the psychiatric hospital as the adolescent ward has re-opened for the year. Overall I thought having DD16 home for Christmas went well - she seemed to be in a good place, I found no evidence of self harm and I managed to get her to communicate with me somewhat. The only things that worried me was her eating (or lack of) and she mentioned she was having difficulty sleeping.
Last night I was watching TV at 9pm, she came out of her bedroom, sat down on the other couch and cuddled her cat who was sleeping there, we talked about her going back to hospital and all seemed well. She then stated she was going to bed, we said our good nights and off she went. Half hour later we got a knock on the door - it was two policemen, followed by two paramedics and then two members of the emergency psychiatric services.  My DD had contacted kids help line earlier in the night and whatever she said triggered a red flag, they tracked our house via the IP address.  After almost an hour and a half they were comfortable leaving her home for the night.

So after 6 weeks in hospital and a 10 day stay at home we have no idea how long she will be there for.  The Dr (who was concerned about her coming home) had said prior to Christmas that he wouldn’t be surprised if she needed to be hospitalised for 6 months or more but at our appointment on the 27th said maybe 2-3 more weeks would be ok. I’m not so sure now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Oh my gosh, Forever Devoted, you need a ((Hug).

Can’t imagine how that felt for you when the police, etc. came to your door... .especially as you were feeling all was going fairly well.

Another   from Huat.  Hope 2019 brings good things/times into your life... .and your daughter’s, too.

[ForeverDevoted]

Thanks for the hug Huat x
She just came into my bedroom (it’s 7:30am here) and asked if we could go to the hospital earlier than the 10am admission time as she’s been awake since 4am and she’s bored, we spoke about last night - apparently it was about 7pm when she didn’t feel safe (her sister told me she was hearing voices) but by the time the emergency services arrived she just felt drained and exhausted.  I spotted a slight smile when I mentioned the emergency services response which makes me think she enjoyed all the attention which just makes me so so sad.

[Marcie]

I’m sorry! Yes I could imagine feeling sad because she liked the attention.

[Only Human]

Hi Forever Devoted,

I remember your posts after she was discharged, how relieved you were that things were going so great. I'm so sorry for this setback, yet glad she's back in the hospital so she can get back on track.

Like Huat, I'm bringing a hug to this thread for you  

And, like Marci, I can totally understand your feeling so so sad that your DD seemed to enjoy all the attention. My heart goes out to both of you.  

I'm glad you had a nice Christmas with your DD home, that there was no evidence of self-harm. It's the ol' two-steps forward, one-step back dance. Hang in there, Forever Devoted!

How are you doing now that she's back in the hospital?

~ OH

[ForeverDevoted]

Hi OH,
Thanks for the hug 
My DD and I had a really good car trip to the hospital, we spoke about her friends in hospital, how she will tackle school when she returns and she told me about having hallucinations and that's why she couldn't sleep.
I responded with " Oh wow that must be so scary for you when that happens, you must have felt so alone! You know you can come and see me or wake me at any time of the night, I'm here for you and will do anything for you.
She says "There's nothing you can do"
I say " I could sit and talk to you or lay with you so you're not alone, I imagine it must be so difficult and you don't have to go through it alone. 
So what are the hallucinations about (ever so cautiously), are you seeing people, are they telling you things... .?"
DD: " I don't want to talk about it anymore"
Me: " Did I go too far?" (with a slight smile)
DD: " You went too far with the 'I'll sit with you or lay with you'"
We both had a little giggle, I nodded acceptance.

So overall the trip in went great! I could sense the change as soon as we walked into the hospital - her guard went up, she stood in the furthest corner of the elevator and I just became her bag carrier.
The nurse came into her room and DD couldn't wait to tell her she got a weighted blanket for Christmas, the nurse oohed and aahed and said it was the best one she had seen, she asked if the cover comes off for cleaning. I said 'yes it does, it's got a zip here somewhere' and we both starting looking for the zip but DD appeared frustrated that I was involved so snapped "we don't need to worry about that now!"
I found the zip and meekly said "here it is" while feeling very discarded.
The nurse changed the subject and said she would need to search DD's belongings, my DD didn't want her to do it while I was in the room so the nurse suggested I fill in the paperwork outside.
So there I sat, outside her room listening to the nurse and my DD talk and laugh as my DD excitedly showed her all her Christmas presents that I gave her! I felt so discarded.
When the nurse left I walked back into her room and was promptly told "goodbye, you can go now".  She even gave me a hug (which I know is progress) but again I felt discarded.

Before I got to the car she rang to ask if I could change the smoking form to allow her to do so (she doesn't smoke but I think she's had some while in hospital as apparently everyone does). I said "no sorry" but she knows I'm a weak target so keeps attacking me. I said "I'm going to call dad and discuss with him".  She says "you don't need to talk to him" and I respond "yes, dad and I make all our decisions together". (I recently learnt to say this and was very proud of myself).  Hubby and I decided we were not going to allow her to smoke.  We thought 'what comes next? The weed that chills her or the line of cocaine that takes away her pain?'  At 16 we still have some control and we need to guide her in the right direction while we still can.
So I called her back:

DD: yes
Me: Dad and I have decided we will not allow you to smoke as it is not good for your health, is highly addictive and as responsible parents we cannot allow it.
DD: but mum, everyone does!
Me: I'm sorry
DD: Well I won't see you for two weeks then!
Me: That's very unfortunate as we both love you very much and would like to see you.
DD: mum, it's stress release!
Me: You need to find better ways to deal with stress and the hospital can help you, I bought you a stress ball or you could do some drawings... .
DD: mum, just don't [hangs up].

Win to me! Why do I feel so bad about it?

Later that afternoon she rings to ask if I could get her Uber Eats even though I've told her numerous times that the hospital has asked us to allow it only on weekends and we have said only once a weekend so she hung up on me. Many texts followed but I held my ground.
Another win to me but again I don't feel good.

Two hours later she texts asking to have a small 'gath' when she gets out to see everyone (we had a small 'gath' for her 15th birthday and it ended up being about 60 drunk kids trying to smuggle alcohol into my house and me cleaning vomit off the bathroom floor - I said I would not condone under age drinking and it would never happen again).
So I clarified what she meant by 'small gath' by texting 'When you say small gath, do you mean just your close friends? Like the girls who went ice skating with you?'
Two hours later she came back with 'Nah like boys and girls like I did last time'

I'm not sure if she's testing me or 'checking in'.
By testing I mean - manipulating to see what she can get away with (how many NO's can mum say before she caves in?)
Or checking in - she's feeling abandoned as she's in hospital, I'm not giving her what she wants and I'm not constantly texting her or falling for her threats (I won't see you) so she needs to send random texts to make sure I'll respond without any real thought into the context.

Sorry this has become very long but I've read many of your posts OH and I would appreciate what you and others thought.

Ps. I had such a laugh when your daughter said "you were so much easier to manipulate before you got a backbone" - I could imagine my daughter saying the same thing!