Introduce yourself

[jyllis]

What is the type of relationship? 
My husband's mother

What is the status of the relationship? 
We happen to live next door to her and I see her reluctantly when my husband asks me to go and visit but NEVER without him.

How is the current status working for you?
 It isn't working for me at all. It is a strain on my marriage and she has no boundaries, which a neighbor should have.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
I feel most challenged by how she manipulates all of us and is never held accountable nor does she ever accept responsibility for the havoc she wreaks. She pits everyone in her life against each other and yet is constantly claiming she's a victim and it's everyone else's fault.

How would you categorize your loved one?
I saw a therapist about my MIL for five years and while my counselor didn't treat my MIL, she said she strongly thought she has borderline personality disorder.

What do you struggle with yourself?
I struggle with very strong anger towards my MIL. I also struggle with anxiety.

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
I am hoping to connect with people who may understand how I feel.

[beatricex]

What is the type of relationship?
adult step-daughter is likely NPD/BPD

What is the status of the relationship?
She disowned us.  To ensure the NC, we blocked her on my husband's phone.

How is the current status working for you?
Great, my husband feels relief for the first time since she was a small child and started exhibiting behaviors.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
She has two children under the age of 3 and we have been told we will "never see our grandchildren again"

How would you categorize your loved one?
sledgehammer

What do you struggle with yourself?
My mother is BPD.  I already know what I'm dealing with, but I'm afraid my husband is really naive about this.  I want to set boundaries to protect us both, but I can see it is going to be a long road for both of us to get him "up to speed"

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
To find comfort in knowing I'm not alone, give and get advice and ideas to help cope, and talk less about it to my husband who is overwhelmed, and instead use this forum where no one is captive.

[jojannadark]

What is the type of relationship? 
My mother and my sister

What is the status of the relationship? 
NC as of a few days ago (for the nth time!)

How is the current status working for you?
So far I feel far more empowered than I have in previous attempts to go NC. It took a crisis.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
My mother is controlling, and goes between periods of relative good behaviour, rages, and victimhood. It is impossible to help her when she is in victim mode, and impossible to escape if she is in a rage. My sister is physically violent, and verbally and emotionally abusive. She is only ever in *rage*/*victim* mode.

How would you categorize your loved one?
uBPD (mother), uBPD with some seeming paranoid and psychotic behaviours (sister)

What do you struggle with yourself?
I'm struggling with validating my own choices, despite knowing, logically, that I made the only decision I could have made (NC) to protect myself and my family.

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
I want to understand how to properly and effectively disengage from my BPD family members and how to begin protecting my own mental health and my family.

[paymytherapy]

What is the type of relationship? 
my mother

What is the status of the relationship? 
was more limited contact, has become more contact when i gave birth

How is the current status working for you?
poorly.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
she sees boundaries as insults and truly believes in the things she says, even if they are demonstrably false. i don't want my kid exposed to this.


How would you categorize your loved one?
uBPD/uNPD

What do you struggle with yourself?
guilt about putting my and my family's needs above hers

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
to work on being able to set boundaries and stick to them

[WorkingThroughIt]

Hi there! I've been looking for some kind of support group for people with a BPD family member on and off throughout the past few years, but I just found this site today and decided to join.

What is the type of relationship? 
My older sister has BPD.

What is the status of the relationship? 
It's very rocky right now, I'm on the brink of going NC and I'm struggling to even speak with her for the sake of my niece. We had a very tumultuous childhood, she abused me for most of it, but once I became an adult and started establishing boundaries with her she suddenly switched and decided she liked me.

How is the current status working for you?
It's not working well, she is in arguably her worst state since we started rebuilding our relationship and I have no clue if I have it in me to maintain my relationship with her. I'm trying my best because my parents are also trying their best to deal with her, and I'm trying my best because my niece needs some stable family around at least part of the time, but I'm so emotionally drained.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
I'd say it's a tie between her impulsivity and her toxicity. She speaks really calmly, logically, and eloquently when we talk about future plans. But then, she throws all logic aside and impulsively makes the worst possible choice she could make in almost every scenario. If my parents try and call her out on anything, she lashes out at them like a feral teenager. Slams stuff around, says the kinds of things that you can't take back, and is just the worst to be around.

How would you categorize your loved one?
She was diagnosed as bipolar originally, but has since been diagnosed as borderline/BPD. I think there's probably something else as well, but she wasn't diagnosed- maybe she's a narcissist, maybe something that involves delusions because she truly sees everything through a lens.

What do you struggle with yourself?
I'm coming to terms with the fact that she abused me throughout our childhood and I'm not really sure where to go from here. I have no self-esteem and an almost crippling combo of anxiety and depression. I'm trying to find a therapist, but no one is taking new patients in my area.

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
I'm looking for a place to go when I get overwhelmed by my sister, so I can just feel normal in my emotions surrounding her. My husband is tired of hearing about her constant stream of drama and just wants me to cut her off and be done. My parents want me to stick it out so that we support her through her instability until my niece is old enough to make a decision on where she wants to be. I just want to cry and be heard without anyone trying to push me to do one thing or the other.

[Jemimapuddleduck]

What is the type of relationship?
I am the adult daughter 54yrs of a mother 81yrs with uBPD

What is the status of the relationship?
Tense, unpredictable relationship. I visit her in her own home weekly for 2-3hrs. I had a period of NC a few yrs ago and even though I explained the reasons, she resents this.

How is the current status working for you?
It’s challenging. She is not happy with her life and expects me to make her happy. She has no real interest in my well-being.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
Her physical needs are increasing due to ageing but mentally she is sharp, argumentative and frustrated. I am her only close relative and I work long hours. I am single so it’s difficult to fit everything in. I have POA so I arrange all her financial affairs.

How would you categorize your loved one?
Undiagnosed BPD/NPD

What do you struggle with yourself?
Her lack of empathy. Im single, I work long hours and I have a back injury. She talks constantly about her problems and jobs that need doing in the house. She is happy for me to hurt myself as long as her needs are met. My refusal to do the manual jobs such as clearing out a bedroom, decorating etc is met with bitter resentment and sarcasm.

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
I have already got so much support from this site. Counsellors are rare in my area. I feel I should contribute more but I never feel I have the right words 

[Archa133]

Apologies if I've posted this in the wrong space...

What is the type of relationship? 
My mother who I'm pretty sure has undiagnosed BPD.

What is the status of the relationship? 
She was widowed last year when my step-dad died suddenly. We were estranged at the time of his death but I re-entered her life to organise the funeral and look after her. Her behaviour has become cruel and reckless again like it was before his death. We speak on the phone infrequently. She has lost her driver's licence (forced on her by the police) and is looking for me to help her but I really don't want to because she makes me so sad with her cruelty. I feel terribly guilty.

How is the current status working for you?
Dreadful. My anxiety is through the roof. Even a missed call from her sends me into the doldrums. I am emotionally exhausted. How do you help someone who is adamant that she is fine when all of her actions speak to the contrary?

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
Dealing with my mother is like playing a toxic psychological game of chess. I am trying not to give into my newly developed hard-fought attempts at boundary-setting but she's had decades more experience at manipulating my need to help her and be loved by her. I want her to stop being hurtful and miserable and try to understand that I love her and if she would just try she could have a better relationship with her children and grandchildren. She keeps finding excuses to get me involved in her life.

How would you categorize your loved one?
Reckless, depressed, unempathetic to the distress she is causing. Cruel. Unpredictable, prone to cheerfulness and then sudden rage and abuse.

What do you struggle with yourself?
I am afraid to get another phone call from a hospital telling me she'd hurt herself, I'm even scared to just get a phone call from her because she can be so hurtful and caught up in a cycle of impulsive behaviour. I have young children and I can't keep looking after her too.

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
I feel so alone with this I'd like to know there's others who understand the stress. I have good things in my life: a beautiful, supportive partner and kids. I don't know how to help my mother when she refuses to acknowledge there's even a problem - even when the police have sent a psychiatrist to her house due to her reckless public behaviour. I fear every phone call from her. It's consuming my happiness. I want help to deal with it but it's all starting to feel a bit hopeless because I love her and fear her too much to stand up for what I need.

[missing NC]

What is the type of relationship? 
My ex-sister is a BPD/NPD with high antisocial traits.  I have run across the term "borderpath," a combination of borderline and sociopath, which seems to fit. 

What is the status of the relationship? 
We are No Contact.

How is the current status working for you?
There is no other viable option with her.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
I would give anything to forget she exists. 

How would you categorize your loved one?
Unsafe

What do you struggle with yourself?
I am wracked with regret for not protecting my family from her when my late mother developed terminal cancer a few years ago. 

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
Sometimes it helps to connect with others with disordered family members. 

[igotthis]

What is the type of relationship?
Sister with BPD and NPD

What is the status of the relationship?
Full contact - living at home together though I try to avoid her when possible.

How is the current status working for you?
It’s difficult but I can’t move out right now and she just moved back home. Our parents and family are unaware of her disorder and they try to “be there for her” which ends up meaning neglecting the rest of the family.

What is the top challenge you face with your loved one?
She is very triggering and makes everyone feel stupid. Her emotional states are so hard to navigate. And when she wants to talk she will (not physically) trap you for hours while she tells overly detailed stories with no purpose. She’s becoming increasingly difficult to deal with.

How would you categorize your loved one?
Undiagnosed BPD/NPD

What do you struggle with yourself?
Her immaturity and the lack of support from my family. They are always on her side even though she is always (no exaggeration) unreasonable.

What are your goals at bpdfamily?
Support, clarity, and guidance. I dont want to feel trapped by this relationship anymore even though it is one that i have to endure for right now.