My daughter getting more extreme - is this common?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I’ve never posted on a site but i’m wondering how others cope with a daughter who is beginning to rage at me all the time and threaten.  She’s in her early 30s and we have her child who is 5. She drinks and has done for years but stopped when pregnant .and her son was healthy.
She’s had a tough time with her on/off partner of 10 years dying of a  drug overdose nearly three years ago. She’s been to rehab 6 times but but never maintains it and now is taking all her unhappiness out on me. She’s clearly got BPD but won’t seek help.
How do I accept I can do no more and draw back to protect myself and her son. She has liver problems now too which might be affecting her mind. I feel I have failed somehow and keep taking the abuse. She had to leave home as she kept attacking me in front of her child.
Are we very extreme or does anyone else have similar experiences and how did you cope. I’m in my mid sixties now and it’s hard.

[Freda]

I’ve never posted on a site but i’m wondering how others cope with a daughter who is beginning to rage at me all the time and threaten.  She’s in her early 30s and we have her child who is 5. She drinks and has done for years but stopped when pregnant .and her son was healthy.
She’s had a tough time with her on/off partner of 10 years dying of a  drug overdose nearly three years ago. She’s been to rehab 6 times but but never maintains it and now is taking all her unhappiness out on me. She’s clearly got BPD but won’t seek help.
How do I accept I can do no more and draw back to protect myself and her son. She has liver problems now too which might be affecting her mind. I feel I have failed somehow and keep taking the abuse. She had to leave home as she kept attacking me in front of her child.
Are we very extreme or does anyone else have similar experiences and how did you cope. I’m in my mid sixties now and it’s hard.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[RedRyder]

I feel your pain, Freda.

We are in a similar situation and the best I can advise you, is you can't do anything about your daughter, but you can work to protect your grandson. If you can afford it seek custody of the child, do so.

And try to remember: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.

Praying for peace for you and your family.

[Freda]

Hi Redryder

Thank you - we have custody of her son after a court battle which of course is still held against us.

Thank you for your prayers. I will do the same for you.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Freda and welcome.

I’m so sorry to hear of what you are currently going through, how difficult it must be for you, yet you are looking after your grandson too, you certainly have a lot on your plate.

I am glad that you recognise that you can do no more for your daughter (unless she asks for help), and that you need to concentrate your efforts on yourself and your grandson.

You will find many here in similar circumstances to yours, you most certainly are not alone.

Do you have any support Freda?

I look forward to hearing more from you  

FB x

Ps. RedRyder posted while I was typing

[Only Human]

Hi Freda  

I join the others in a big, warm welcome.

You asked how others cope and for me, I found that coming here is helping me cope.

When I got here, I was in crisis. My DD25, who, along with her 4 your old son, lives with me, had terminated family therapy and I felt so hopeless and alone. I continued with therapy without my DD and found this place after googling "extinction burst." I had finally started to step back from rescuing and enabling my DD and was being punished by her words and anger and threats on a regular basis.  

Posting here, reading here, learning all I can about BPD, practicing the skills, and participating in others' threads has had a very positive impact on my life. Now, my therapy appointments focus more on me and less on my BPD daughter and her latest crisis. I'm learning to let go, I'm getting support and validation that I didn't even know I needed.

I encourage you to continue posting, learning, and leaning on us when times are tough. We've got you.

Again, welcome. I look forward to getting to know you.

~ OH