Just one thing... What would you say to your younger self?

[Harri]

If you could go back in time and tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?  What age would you go back to?  

Rules:  You can make more than one post but in each post please only  say just one thing.

I'll start:  I am 10 years old and I would say "Harri, you are capable of great love"

[major_psych]

I'd go back to myself at 13 years old and say,

"Stay calm and don't fight with your mother every time she is upset, even when you know you're right."

[itsmeSnap]

One thing I would tell my younger self:

Do it now, everyone will doubt you, but you can do the thing.

Young me would have understood it 

[Harri]

Snap, how cryptic of you!   

major_psych that is some good advice!

[itsmeSnap]

Snap, how cryptic of you!

 

Just do it (tm) 

[Kwamina]

Great idea for a thread Boss Beagle

I would go back to the 12 year old me and tell him: "It's ok Kwamina, it's not you, there is nothing wrong with you.".

Why the 12 year old me? Because I still very much remember the period I slipped into depression as a child. I was 12, it had been building for a while and one day sitting on the couch, it was like a switch turned in my mind... .

[Fie]

'This will pass. One day you will be happy'

[Cat Familiar]

I would tell the 10 year old Cat, "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Be yourself. You don't have to be like others. You bring a unique gift to the world--and that is the real you."

I'd also have her read Reviving Ophelia, which of course wasn't written back then, but we can do whatever we want in a fantasy anyway.
 
https://www.amazon.com/Reviving-Ophelia-Saving-Selves-Adolescent/dp/1594481881

[Notwendy]

To 14 year old me:

Trust your instincts. You know the truth about your mother no matter what your parents may say. You're OK as you are, and you will be OK.

[Harri]

These are all wonderful thank you for joining in.  Kwamina added in why he chose the age 12 and I think that is a great addition (smart Parrot!)  I picked the age 10 in my first post because I think that is when there was a big turn in me, in terms of closing off and doing on the defensive angrier side of things.  While I think in some ways that helped me survive, part of me wonders what I could have done to hold on to what was real then (I mean real about me). 

[once removed]

id have told 14 (freshman) me that romantic relationships in high school come and go. spend time with friends, doing stuff you love, and make your academics a priority.

[JNChell]

This is pretty heavy, Harri, but constructive. Good thread.

I would go back to when I was a toddler and tell myself over and over that it’s not my fault. Forgive the “Good Will Hunting” takeaway.

If I had known different back then I could’ve gotten others involved. Especially in my early adolescence. Turns out, it didn’t turn out that way.

[Harri]

  to everyone here.

I have another one: 
Stop turning away from what you know to be true.  Stop choosing to stick your head back in the sand. 

I would have said that to my 26 year old self (I think that is the right age).  A bit of very tough love from me and to me. 

[bginagin]

Spread your wings with a well considered destination.

[Harri]

I would say "Harri, she is lying to you." when she was so dysregulated and caught up in her hatred and anger.

[Cat Familiar]

I would say the following to myself on the eve of embarking into both relationships that resulted in marriage:

If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

[Manifest32f]

I would go back to the days when i was around 35-36, when I asked my over-sensitive and very quiet and obedient 6-7 yr old daughter, not to be ‘so sensitive’ and never knew or realized how she was being bullied by some of the children in school and outside. Instead, I would have protected her and encouraged her to stand up against the bullies and given her the self confidence I always had even though I had no one really guiding me. I never understood how fragile she was and I regret my inaction when she needed me most. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her now what I did was wrong and I regret it and I don’t know how to convey it to her.

[LeneLu]

I would like to think that I could tell my child-self to speak up about mistreatment.  But, knowing that I didn't have the personality to follow through on that, I would tell my 20-year-old self, "This is NOT normal.  Seek help now."

[zachira]

How someone treats me, is how they feel about themselves. I have had the experience of being treated badly on so many occasions when I did nothing wrong. I have also had the experience on many occasions of being treated with upmost kindness and care when I have acted really badly, which included letting me know that they knew I could do better because I wasn't that kind of person.

[Sandb2015]

I would tell myself not to be afraid, hiding feels good, don't do it, you don't need to, you're free.

[Turkish]

I'll tell what I told myself at 15 when I held the .22 long rifle to my head and half depressed the trigger: you can survive until you're 18 and a legal adult, free to make your own choices.   And I did on my 18th birthday.  

I think I knew then what I know now,  that I'm responsible for my own life.  

That,  and I should have taken grades more seriously when I was 13, to better get into university... .

[Harri]

Reading all of these great replies I am struck by how capable we are now which I think is pretty remarkable considering what we had to work with.  Granted, we may struggle still, but I am hearing self-acceptance, love, wisdom. 

All hard won of course.

[JNChell]

Turkish  I’m glad that you chose differently. I’ve been there. We wouldn’t have these bright and shining rug rats to love and raise had we made different choices.

[HappyChappy]

'This will pass. One day you will be happy'

My daughter says that after an anal salute.

tell myself over and over that it’s not my fault.

I remember saying that to myself all the time. It helped.

I’d go back to when I could first walk and say “Run, Run like the wind !”. I’d give myself a letter addressed to social services and say, post this". And also leave a fully laded ice cream van for myself.

[JNChell]

HC,   I’d be ready at the wheel of that van while you were making your getaway. This sounds like a movie in the making.

I think that I would tell myself, in adolescence, to call the police or at least start some kind of intervention. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it’s fortunate that no one got killed in my household.

[Cat Familiar]

Here's another one for my younger self while I was still living at home: "Your mother is carrying around a terrible amount of grief and sadness. It's not your job to be her cheerleader or motivational speaker. You cannot fix her."

[Libra]

I would want to tell her that one day it would be better. That good, emotionally healthy people would see her as she truly is, and that she is a beautiful person, worthy of being seen.

And then I would want to give he a big, long hug.

Libra.

[JNChell]

I would tell myself that one day my situation will begin to improve. One day I will be bigger and stronger. I would encourage my young self to understand that this isn’t normal and that I need to tell enough people until action is taken. I would try to convince my young self that I wasn’t only experiencing abuse, but that criminal actions were being perpetuated on me. I think I would also just sit next myself and listen to what I had to say and I would trust myself.

[freespirit]

My beautiful 13 year old self - Yes my darling, it really is that bad, but do you know what, me and you are going to make it, together we are going to get out of this place and into the brightest of sunshine. Your going to be successful beyond your wildest imaginings, your going to set yourself free from all of this. Your on the right track, believe in yourself, you know more than you think you do. I love you, always. I got your back! Be a sunflower, turn towards the light.   

[Nickerdoodle]

Third grade when my teacher held me and let me beat my hands on her chest crying "You don't love me.  You don't love me."  I know now and she probably did then that something was going wrong at home.

I'd say never call abuse something it is not.