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Author Topic: Random memories triggers gut achy pain reaction - what is this?  (Read 225 times)
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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 100

« on: January 11, 2019, 03:22:39 PM »

Hi there,  I figured I should post about this because it's happening from time to time and I am hoping that if I talk about it, it won't have as much power over me anymore. 

Sometimes memories will be triggered in my mind and I will have this overall gut achy pain - kind of a sick achy feeling in my stomach and sometimes I almost feel like I could start to cry right on the spot, I am at work or out in public which I don't like when it happens and then I have to choke my tears down.  For example, I was looking at a townhouse today on the web that was for sale and it was located in an area where me any my exBPDbf used to walk (right along the canal). That brought it on instantly.  It is usually a memory of something we used to do together when we were a couple and it starts to make me incredibly sad then that achy gut feeling happens.  It's really odd - I have never had this happen with any other break up. wth.

Is this just really strong feelings of grief?   I'm hoping someone else has some insight. 

I know there is no timeline on grief necessarily but it's going on 8 mos. I'm not ruminating anymore,  His thought crosses my mind probably 10% of the day vs 60% of the day like it used to so that's an improvement.  I have good days and bad days when thinking about him will increase some but mostly better.

I just really wish it would go away.  I DON'T like it. It is making me angry just thinking about the power this has over me sometimes.

Thanks for listening... .

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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1163

« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2019, 12:02:06 AM »

Just the body trying to release emotional pain, it is a good sign.

it can happen via tears, or nausea triggered by the recall of memories.

just keep going you already have done well it shows your approach is working steadily.
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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 61

« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2019, 06:43:52 AM »

Hey there. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with these physical/emotional aches on what seems to be a regular basis. Having dealt with similar feelings myself nearly a couple years ago, I can assure you the passage of time will diminish the potency of these feelings.

To be frank with you, it's just part of moving on from something that you never really gave up on.

Towards the end of your post you almost seem to be beating yourself up for taking 'too long' to recuperate and assume the complete character of who you were prior to ever having met this person. The rate at which someone overcomes the grief that pairs with the loss of a relationship is subjective. You're not cold-blooded for having moved on in 13 hours, nor are you fragile if your mind requires three years to stabilize. It's just a day by day thing. Nothing unhealthy about what you're dealing with- however long it takes.

Time is your ally. It's going to take time to calm down and disassociate these things with your ex. It's just tough ___, that's as blunt as I can be. Whenever I reflect on my bat-___ awful breakup (mainly the way I handled things) nearly two years ago with my ex, I can't help but shrug my shoulders and smile. I try to think about the good memories when I do look back on it, and just remind myself all is for the best. I don't harbor ill-will towards this person. I told myself the relationship was a blink in our lives, and I told her that too... .multiple times .

Whatever direction you go in there's going to be pain. Whether your present circumstances, or by happenstance the relationship had continued, pain will be a factor. Everyone goes through it. Everyone's defined by how they dealt with it

I promise you'll be alright. Someone who's right for you will fall into your lap at random one day and you'll end up being happy with the way things panned out. Just be patient.

Hang in there  
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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 100

« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2019, 10:43:44 AM »

Cromwell,  Thank you.  That is a really positive way to look at the situation.  I appreciate your encouragement.  I think I worry that this feeling will not go away ever.  I am relieved however, that I ruminations have settled down. This site is a healing place for me to come to.

Sargeras, You are right.  I have not fully given up. I have not fully accepted.  When that gap between my head and heart is connected fully in the grieving process, those hard feelings will be gone. 

I am not sure if I am hard on myself about the time it is taking but I will consider that.  I am feeling scared that it has such a hold on me at times and I worry it just will not go away. 

It is a jumbled mass of sinking negative feelings (emotional pain like Crowell mentioned) in my stomach that I need to sort out.  Fear, pain, sadness, and anxiety.

It is good that my body talks to me. 


Al Kaseltzer
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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 87

Alka Seltzer

« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2019, 12:14:29 PM »

I have been feeling the same way lately.  I think i fooled myself into thinking i was doing better, until i have started to break down the last few days.  My biggest issue is that i can get triggered by just about anything.  if i hear a song on the radio that we listened to together once, it will mess with me. 

i also was getting an overwhelmingly bad feeling inside about a week ago when i had to drive somewhere that required me to take the same roads as if i was heading towards her house.  major roads/parkways that ive driven on my whole life are now a trigger for her.

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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 19

« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2019, 08:26:44 PM »

I can completely relate.  I'm glad you posted this topic, because this has been happening to me too. 

I went to a mall the other day and it happened, because the last time I was there was with him.  I thought I was having a panic attack and I had to drive myself home because I felt so sad and heavy and overwhelming. I hate it too, it can come seemingly out of nowhere and it feels debilitating.

Sorry I don't really have any solutions or insight, but you're not alone in this.
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Gender: Male
Person in your life: Romantic partner
Posts: 1203


« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2019, 08:34:27 PM »

Good Evenjng BG,

You are not alone, we all do this.

I remember a “saying” they had hanging on the wall down in the NCO School in Camp Geiger... .way back in the day, geez, what was it... .1992... .

This was a Marine Corps “leadership school”, lasting about eight weeks, Corporals and Sergeants from the “Fleet”... .

The sign said ... .“Pain is weakness leaving the body”... .

The way they were “PT’ing” us ... .yeah, I was in a lot of pain, I’d not been “run” like that since Recruit Training down on the “Island”... .

I always remembered that sign... .

“Pain is weakness leaving the body”... .

Cromwell is correct,

The feelings we are having, experiencing are part of the healing process... .

Like when we feel extreme pain when we are injured... .it’s the body reacting, cells ... .nervious systems... .in this case it’s the mind, the subconscious... .  “checking the lines”... .

Like when we checked for “continuity” in the electrical wiring in the aircraft ... .troubleshooting “gripes”... .we would send a small amount of “trons” down the circuit, with the old “Simpson meter”... .and if it read negative, we knew the wire was broken somewhere, so we would have to locate the break... .

Our conscious mind is doing the same thing with these “triggers”... .

With me ... .ever time I see a 2017 Burgundy Grand Cherokee, I immediately look to see if it’s her... .I have not laid eyes upon her since November the 30th.

But I’m making the payments on that fine piece of machinery : )

Even her hair is still all over the bathroom... .there are triggers everywhere... .

No Tsultan, ... .you are certainly not alone.

Hang in there... .



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