What if a psychologist diagnosed my mom and told her she has BPD ?

[Tillycat]

I have been thinking that maybe my mom could get tested by a psychologist for BPD who would then do therapy sessions with both my mom and dad. That Individual would then tell her that it's protocal and that they need to learn more about her and see if there are any hidden prexisting conditions going on like anxiety or depression ect . She would tell her that my dad needs to do this as well. I feel like she would except the diagnosis better if she found out from her. That's the way it happened with me and my Autism. When I told her I think I have Autism she was all like you don't need a label. After the psychologist said I have classic Autism she is now trying to start a bible study for Autistic adults for me and my friends. What do you guys think about this? She is the high functioning kind. Also, I found a cool song with a music video that I think some of us can relate to .
https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=dna+lia+marie+johnson#id=1&vid=679995c9a82c1ab4eeafac90395798f9&action=click

[zachira]

This is a good question and one that is frequently asked in one form or another. How aware are your mother and father that her behaviors are not quite normal and that the behaviors negatively affect you? Are either of your parents open to constructive feedback?

[Tillycat]

My dad yes my mom no. My mom's all like I'm not crazy you're crazy!
my mom will go to counciling though.

[Turkish]

My mother accepted a roundabout, softly suggested Dx. It didn't change who she was. 

[HappyChappy]

Hi Tilly Cat,

Would a bible class for autistic adults help you ? If so then that’s nice of your Mom.  Ironic that she thinks you shouldn’t have a label and then uses that label to starts a group.

I read it’s very rare a BPD would ever admit to being anything less than perfect, it’s too hard an emotion for them to cope with. Especially if they are high functioning. If a BPD can get what they want, they’ll keep using that behaviour.
For example, my BPD has been encourage to see a Therapist for 30 years at least. By all family members. But she only went when she did something really bad that my Dad threatened to inform the authorities over. She came back not agreeing with what the Dr said and refusing the medication (valium, back then). 

If you say your mother doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, then it looks like she’s A typical for a high functioning BPD. I believe the success rate of therapy goes up, the younger someone is. I also know the success rate of the those that do go is quiet low, as many will just play games and go to appease others, like my Mom did.

Accepting my BPD could not change and would never apologise or validate what she did to us, was the hardest part of my recovery, but an essential part. What’s you view now, given the feedback? Do you think there’s a chance, or that it would be better to focus on changing yourself? If you learn techniques to keep yourself safe and guard against BPD behavior, this is your best chance of changing your Moms behavior. She'll still be BPD, but if a BPD can't upset you or get a rise, they stop trying and move onto someone else more susceptible. Would that work ?

With respect to the song, very good, she’s got some lungs on her. Thank goodness my BPD didn't have that volume , I'd be deaf.

[Tillycat]

I would like a bible study for Autistic adults . I think that my mom might be open to the diagnosis because she started taking medicine so she would in her own words " stop screaming at you guys”. My dad knows her behavior is dysfunctional . He has even said before that she has a mental illness.

[Tillycat]

Also I have a book that I’ve been reading called. Talking to a loved one with borderline personality disorder. It covers communication skills to manage intense emotions set boundaries and reduce conflict . An important til I’m learning in this book is called SET sand by them empathize with them and tell them the truth . This is how you are supposed to communicate with the borderline individual .

[Panda39]

Hi Tillycat,

We have info on SET here as well, just click on the link to read more... .https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0

Your right SET is an excellent tool, it can take some practice though just like learning anything new.

Panda39