POLL | Understanding the spectrum. How does this play in to how we feel?

[JNChell]

I will, I need a break.

[JNChell]

Thanks. I mean that.

[Al Kaseltzer]

i agree Skip, that the tools here and the knowledge gained will only help in moving forward.  it also doesn't mean that having another chance with an altered approach would have made things better or brought about a different outcome, i guess im just still at the stage of having wanted that opportunity.

[Cromwell]

If I could go back in time and change one of the so-called-did-wrong situations (if being myself = being 'wrong').

and it would have worked out fine.

it just changes the script to spawn out another scenario to deal with later on, where I would eventually 'fail' again.

The BPDx was diagnosed and would have fell between 8 and 9 on this list.

For the majority of time in the r/s, it was a consistent 3, intermixed with some very happy peaceful times. Then all of a sudden, an 8 or 9. Ive likened her to a terrorist once, I think it still fits how I feel - another attack once in awhile is enough to be walking on eggshells not wondering for the next, the day I felt at peace again and almost entirely thought "im really happy now, maybe i sorted out all the issues" - then "Kaboom!" again and another set back.

[Skip]

i guess im just still at the stage of having wanted that opportunity.

You are not alone.

[zachira]

One aspect to consider when rating where a person with BPD falls on the spectrum is how well the person with BPD can hide his/her challenges with BPD from others and the lengths of time he/she can go hiding their symptoms. Certainly some people with BPD are highly dysfunctional in front of those he/she shows their symptoms to; yet can appear quite normal to many people in many different situations.

[JNChell]

zachira, I couldn’t agree more. I’m not targeting BPD. I’m taking about behavior. Perhaps this is the biggest aspect that people don’t get. This is why it’s so hard to talk about and reveal. If we’re not believed, we’re crazy.

I believe that my exes family hides and enables as a group. There’s a lot going on there. There are also very few men that stick. It’s not a small group. The woman talk in pig Latin around the men and kids. It was not a comfortable situation.

You know, zachira, this could potentially benefit from another thread. Nice to see you again.

[wendydarling]

The differentiation you make between pwBPD being high or low on the spectrum is interesting and it makes sense. This makes me think about the child board. There are a lot of examples of young people that are high on the spectrum. You all should definitely do some reading over there, and if inclined, get involved in the threads. The posters on that board are incredibly strong people. They’re parents of children wBPD.

JNChell this is a great conversation, thanks for the shout out for us parents on the son/daughter board, it means a lot and for encouraging others to join us, I hope folks do, many share similar struggles in understanding our unique situations and the complexity of BPD.

From my experience the most important factor influencing their ability to have a functional relationship, is the willingness to deal with their problems in a healty way and the ability to self-reflect. And commitment to therapy plays a big part in that.

Purplex I am fortunate to be in the situation you describe.  30DD (quietpwBPD, internal rather than external) diagnosed in 2015 BPD co-morbid (it was a relief to her, answered all her and my questions and opened up the opportunity for the right treatment) so that places her 8/9/10 on this scale. Today after 14 months DBT, getting her meds right, a 12 month break from treatment, presently on 20 week DBT skills group refresh, possibly schema next - I'd optimistically place her at 3. She's using the tools, skills we learn here, she's managing her BPD-she's gradually, in small steps addressed/ing the long list of dysfunctional behaviours, the latest triumph this last year is her eating disorder. I'd add to this, she gave up work Dec 2016 to focus on getting well, she lives at home, the external stress, pressure of life removed for her, if she did not have this support, of family, amazing friends and colleagues and her determination I'm not sure where she'd be now. We've all been totally honest and open with everyone. This year her goal is to get back to work. So that's my share, I hope it helps others.

JNChell, You believe your ex's family, hides, enables as a group …... I'm sorry to hear you've both been up against this, while it may answer some questions you've struggled with.

I would really encourage you both to become students of the tools here. I have used them and they worked - I got one rocky relationship to a very stable place. Its a little like learning to golf or ski, the tools take skill to be effective, but the tools work.

They do work and it's the same encouraging message to parents skill up and practice, they help improve all our relationships. JNChell have you got the book The Power of Validation off your shelf yet?  

WDx

[JNChell]

Hey, WD. I’m very happy to read about your daughter’s success. What really stuck out to me is the support that she has been getting throughout her treatment. I’ve read time and again that it’s paramount for any success to be had. The Power of Validation is still on my bookshelf along with many others that I still haven’t read. I’ll get to it. Thanks for the nudge.

[I Am Redeemed]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-purpose/201809/don-t-obsess-over-categorizing-mental-disorders?amp

I found this article helpful. Maybe some of you will, too.

[Skip]

Good article

[JNChell]

Good read, Redeemed. I found the part of the article that talks about society evolving beyond the pace of humans especially interesting.