My daughter with BPD - Looking for help and resources for families

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello BPD community,

My daughter (27 years old) was diagnosed with BPD in 2017. She went into treatment for 3 months (DBT) she improved greatly and now sees a psychiatrist once a week for talk therapy. We have our ups and downs. My husband and I went to the 12-week course by NAMI which help us a great deal and I have also read everything I can get my hands on. I am now looking for another class my husband and I can take -a BPD class for families. Also, a BPD Family support group for us to join. Any ideas out there on where we might find this resource?

[Corneila]

Hello BPD community,

My daughter (27 years old) was diagnosed with BPD in 2017. She went into treatment for 3 months (DBT) she improved greatly and now sees a psychiatrist once a week for talk therapy. We have our ups and downs. My husband and I went to the 12-week course by NAMI which help us a great deal and I have also read everything I can get my hands on. I am now looking for another class my husband and I can take -a BPD class for families. Also, a BPD Family support group for us to join. Any ideas out there on where we might find this resource?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[DharmaGate]

Cornelia,  

A big welcome to you.  How wonderful to hear DBT, NAMI group helped. Kudos to you for using them.  Ups and downs seem like progress to many of us  .  

The parents here are very informed and will probably know about more resources

Hope you will stick around and share more of your story, we need all the hope we can get.

With deep respect, DG

[FaithHopeLove]

Welcome Cornelia,
I think you will really like this group. My DS24 has also been diagnosed BPD. I have only been here for a few weeks.This group has really helped me communicate with him better. Already I see improvement. Of course there are lots of ups and downs but the overall direction is toward the good. What else are you comfortable sharing about your DD? Does she live with you? I admire you for being so proactive about learning and growing.

[Only Human]

Hi Corneila,

I join DharmaGate and FaithHopeLove in welcoming you to BPD Family!

You've come to the right place for support, Corneila, I'm glad you found us. We have many resources available on the site and the boards are where we share our stories, support each other, and lean on others for support. By posting, reading, and posting in each other's threads, many parents have improved their situations with adult children with BPD. We learn skills together, taken from books and articles written by experts in BPD: Sharri Manning, PhD, and author of the book, Loving Someone with BPD; Alan Fruzetti, PhD and author of the book, The Family Guide to BPD, and NEA BPD's Family Connections course.

Family Connections is a 12 week course for families with a loved on with BPD.

Here's a discussion thread with links:

NEA BPD Family Connections

Ups and downs are common, we talk about the roller coaster ride that is BPD. I hope you'll join us in discussion, giving and getting support, as we all learn together. What are the most challenging behaviors you're seeing in your DD?

Here's a thread with links to information on how to get the most out of this site:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0

Again, welcome - I look forward to getting to know you.

[Corneila]

Thank you for your warm welcome!

We have been living with this for a long time but didn't have a name for it. The diagnosis has helped 1000%. We went through 4 suicide attempts, many years of cutting, many therapists, 3 hospitalizations. During #2 tour of the hospital they did diagnose her, however, did not share with us because they deemed her un-treatable. (we just found this out by requesting the hospital records for a new Dr.)

Her last hospitalization 2017 was non-voluntary and lasted 10 days. (the police had to be involved) She had been smoking pot and sent her brain into hallucinations, disengagement, paranoia and suicide.  They were out of beds at our usual hospital and was sent to another, where we met a Dr. who spoke with us and diagnosed her and suggested treatment.

She does not live with us, she is with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend of 4 years has seen all of this and has accepted her for who she is.  However, we need help and support because as you all know this is difficult! Reading books is great but human interaction is more helpful.

How often do you need to change Dr's/therapists? how long should some one stay in treatment? she only stayed 3 months and then quit. How do you deal with the lying? Thanks for listening!


 

[wendydarling]

Hello Cornelia and welcome  

I'm glad you've joined us and very sorry you've been through so much with your daughter.

The diagnosis has helped 1000%.

 This is great to hear, it was a aha  moment for us, relief. You say your daughter quit DBT after 3 months, what happened? It's good to hear she meets her psychiatrist weekly and has support of her boyfriend.

My 30DD (dx July 2015, reached crisis) completed 14 months DBT August 2017 (UK, NHS) and is presently completing a further round of 20 weeks brushing up her skills in group with a charity. I've learnt my DD requires continuous support for now, what kind of support she choses - schema, mentalization ... .recently suggested to her was schema.

You are right we all need support, it's critical. Parents have been here for me during the most difficult of times and I'll be forever grateful  , and asking questions like you are is priceless. You can guarantee an answer or direction or a hug. This is the online support group, we come from far and wide to be here.

You ask how often do you need to change Drs/therapists? This is dependent on our situations. If your DD is not happy with her Dr/Therapist she'll want to change. My DD has been very happy with her mental health professionals and is with the same psychiatrist from when originally diagnosed. Then again Skellyll recently fired his DD's therapist. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=332923.0
How long is treatment? This is one I asked myself often in the early days, the Dr who diagnosed said we'll start with 12 months DBT, then reassess, perhaps then schema or mentalization. Again this is dependant on our DD's individual situation. My DD had a year break from treatment, she's been doing really well but had a blip last October where she experienced dissociative amnesia and overdosed on her meds, she was very upset as she had no intention to harm herself. Year on year I see her health improving, it's tiny steps Cornelia. I think my DD will always need some kind of support, she needs to talk with someone who understands, to keep her skills fresh and keep learning is what I am learning.

How's your DD doing day to day? Is she working?

Lots of human interaction here  

WDx

[livednlearned]

I am now looking for another class my husband and I can take -a BPD class for families. Also, a BPD Family support group for us to join. Any ideas out there on where we might find this resource?

Have you looked to see if there is an NEA BPD Family Connections course offered in your area?

I did one a while back and found it helpful. The one drawback is that I had to wait a long time before someone responded to my request through their website. It's peer-taught so you have to wait until someone has gone through the NEA-BPD Family Connections training, and then they have to find a place (and time) to offer the program. Being peer-taught means that the classes are taught by families who have a BPD loved one (often an adult child), so their lives have to be stable enough to offer the class.

It was a great experience and I completely understand the desire to meet other people going through the same thing.

What are some of the books you've found helpful?

Are their DBT classes offered in your area for family members?

[Corneila]

Yes, I did find NEA-BPD but have never received a response, so I will continue to wait (thanks for the heads up on that!). My favorite book is "Overcoming Borderline Personality disorder a Family guide for healing and change." by Valerie Porr. I have re-read in times of chaos. There is also a web site TARA4BPD.org, and she does classes for families. However, Valerie is based out of New York City and we are in the Mid west. So far, I have not been able to find anything comparable locally. Go check out her Web site there are video's etc, very informative.

The reason why my DD only spent 3 months in treatment is that her and her boyfriend travel around the country in an RV doing Renaissance Faires. She does not want to miss that.  she is employed at these faires and does make ends meet. One part of me is very happy she is working, it gives her confidence, the other half would really like for her to focus on her mental illness, however if she is not ready to focus I can't force her otherwise it won't work.

Her therapist and her have worked out weekly sessions on the phone and she is active in a Facebook BPD support group.

I am starting to think that we may have to have another crisis for her to get back into treatment.

[wendydarling]

Hi Cornelia

That is a great book and TARA website.

The reason why my DD only spent 3 months in treatment is that her and her boyfriend travel around the country in an RV doing Renaissance Faires. She does not want to miss that.  she is employed at these faires and does make ends meet. One part of me is very happy she is working, it gives her confidence, the other half would really like for her to focus on her mental illness, however if she is not ready to focus I can't force her otherwise it won't work

So true, they have to find what's right for them balancing responsibilities. I can understand your DD wanting to keep working, my DD did the same till she was no longer able, she hung on. It is positive your DD's set up weekly therapy and is active with online support and I hear you, is this enough? How long have they been on the road?

Many parents here struggle coping with lying, what's your DD lying about Cornelia?

WDx