How to get off the phone without upsetting her?

[Omega1]

Sometimes she calls me, and we stay on the phone a long time - either its because she's driving, or she's somewhere on her own and has free time.  The thing is, she does't even talk to me the whole time - she's texting or busy doing something else, and just keeps me on the line. 

I want to talk to her, but since its the workday, I can't stay on the phone for half an hour or longer.  If I'm the one to say I should really go, she gets very upset, especially if I'm getting off the phone so I can work.  I do want to chat and hear about her day, but I really don't want to stay on the phone while she reads to me from Facebook or a text someone sent her or while she texts someone back.  It feels really disrespectful to me.  I don't want to get angry, so I do need to say 'something'? 
 
I know I don't set boundaries well.
1. How do I ask her to focus on me during the call?  It seems such an odd thing to have to ask someone?
2.  How do I end the call gently without triggering or upsetting her?

Thanks!

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[Purplex]

This sounds like a good example to practice SET. In my opinion you already mentioned everything that is important in your post:

Support:

I do want to chat and hear about her day

Empathy:

she's driving, or she's somewhere on her own and has free time. 

What might be her underlying feelings here? How could you adress them according to SET?

Truth: 

but since its the workday, I can't stay on the phone for half an hour or longer. 

I encourage you to try formulating this in a way that would be suitable for you next call. Feel free to share your thoughts!

[Steps31]

I had the exact same experience, and I also was bad at setting boundaries... .
Some nights she would talk until my phone battery died... .and I tell you, some nights I'd be praying for that 1% to go down and it would take so long!
So yes, I think setting boundaries and SET is the humane way to be for both parties.

[Purplex]

Thanks for offering your perspective Steps31!

Would you mind sharing an example how you used SET in this specific situation? What did you say?

[Steps31]

Hi Purplex
Maybe I was unclear... .I suffered from the fate of NOT using SET or setting boundaries and my sanity paid the price for it.
I just wanted to contribute that I identified with the OP and will definitely use the healthier alternative if and when there's a next time.

[Purplex]

Ah I see sorry for the misunderstanding Steps31!
I find those tools very valuable as well, not only in relation to BPD but as life skills in general.

[Steps31]

Definitely!
All this reading and living through BPD forges one into developing stronger personal skills that can apply everywhere. (Either that or be blown away like wind)

[Omega1]

One thing that's helping, is encouraging her to fill her time more, to be busier.  When she's busy or has other demands, she makes fewer demands on me.

I also make sure I say I need to go - but not for work - using a different reason, like something at the house, so its something for 'us'.