I feel guilty about my feelings toward BPD daughter

[Opmomof3]

I believe my daughter is BPD. Since she is an adult, I cannot ask she’s therapist for a diagnosis. However, the description of BPD fits her behavior  

I feel guilty about my feelings towards her and am struggling to separate more from her for my own mental health.

I am hoping to find others with similar experiences so I don’t feel quite so guilty that I’m the only one who feels this way about a child.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi Opmomof3 and

You have come to the right place to find other parents who can relate to your feelings and experiences. Having an adult child with BPD is very challenging and it's understandable that you'd feel that you need to separate more from her, for your own mental health. As they say on airplanes, put your own oxygen mask on first!

We have lots of tools, resources, and tips for us as parents, and best of all we have parents - lots of parents, who are learning together. We welcome you to BPD Family and encourage you to read, post, and post in others' threads. It really does help to talk it out, get feedback, and connect with others on similar journeys.

How old is your daughter? What are the behaviors that you find most challenging?

I look forward to getting to know you and learning how we can best support you.

Again, welcome!

~ OH

[wendydarling]

Hello Opmomof3

Along with Only Human I welcome you

I hear your pain, this is the safest and kindest family.

What's happening? When we share, it get's better. 

WDx

[Mirsa]

I understand the feeling of guilt.  I feel a profound relief that she is not living with me any more.  I've distanced from her and I know she is a little confused about it, but of course it's all my fault, not hers.  She's great at 'splitting'... .I was the wonderful mother until I became an awful mother.  That shift took about a week, and happened to coincide with me saying no, you cannot have a 21-yo boyfriend in your bedroom when you're 17!  But dad said she could, so off she went, and now I'm an awful mother.

And I am so incredibly relieved that she is gone, I do feel guilty about it.  On the one hand, I feel a new sense of peace and serenity and happiness in my life that has been absent for many years.  But, I can't help feel a little guilty, when I secretly admit to myself or a close friend, that I don't like my daughter.  I love her, but I don't like her.  She's not a nice person.  Lots of people don't like her actually (coworkers, her entire high school, my younger daughter).  My other daughter is a sweet, kind, loving person.  And thank heavens for her. 

But guilt?  Yes, I totally get it.  Parents are not "supposed" to have feelings like these  about your own kid, who you raised.  But I do.  Shhhhhh... .