For anyone who can relate, "Goodbye, My Rose"

[suisse_chilipep]

I'm fairly new here, and glad I found this community; I found out that my wife has uBPD just last month, though her BPD issues have been plaguing our marriage for the last several years.

I'm a poet, and writing is a helpful way for me to get my anger and emotions out, and to understand more precisely how I feel while, at the same time, accepting my new reality ... .

For anyone who can relate to the struggles and challenges of living with an uBPD partner, especially if marriage and children are involved.

“Goodbye, My Rose"

All these years
my pain has been your illness, and (I know)
my pain is not your pleasure, but
the pain has still been a pleasure.

You see, years ago radiant and mute like the rose
you bloomed with passion and loving care;
your outside structure was immaculate,
soothing, with a warm invitation to
love again.

But today, your thorns are not a dormant feature; razor-sharp,
they have teeth that bite hard,
that thrash and score
my skin deep for
the nth time
tonight, while sharpening for tomorrow.

I can no longer do this …

I have pleaded too many times: “Do not throw! Do not strike again!
I am not the menacing, threatening animal you see that
brushes against you! Please, my rose, I am your
husband, your lover!” But my eyes and
countless efforts still

hurt.

So now, the stern hand of the clock offers me new gifts
in the room—wisdom packed in its soft whispers,
now pounding,

while the children show me their frightened,
uncanny look—their tears hidden,
kept from weeping.

All these years
my pain has been your illness, and (I know)
my pain is not your pleasure.

All these years
your pain has been your illness, but
your pain, however, is no longer
my pleasure …

because
you could never allow the pain
to be our burden together,

I (we) must go.

suisse_chilipep

[Steps31]

beautifully written... .
A tough read : (