My husband suddenly told me he needs to “move on”

[Sparkledust]

Hi,

This is my first post. My husband is undiagnosed but for a while I have suspected he has a personality disorder. He told me just before Christmas that he “needs to move on”. Every conversation we have about the break up there is a different reason but he says he should never have married me. We have been together for 25 years and have 3 kids. He is acting like it is no big deal while I am devastated. He has been depressed for a while which really started 3 years ago after he got laid off. He has withdrawn from me and the children but when he said he wanted to “move on” he became manic. He is like Jeckyl and Hyde and I never know how he will be. Since his announcement he is more engaged with me (he hasn’t moved out) and is being very Disney Dad with the kids but not interested in their lives/well being. He seems to be saying things to trigger me so we argue but I have stopped taking the bait. He is socially awkward and has no friends and won’t consider therapy (but tells me I need therapy). Someone who knows him well have said I should just ignore it. About 2 weeks ago he changed from “moving on” to divorce. My world is imploding and I don’t quite know what to do.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Purplex]

Hi Sparkledust and welcome to the family 

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through right now but I am glad you found us! This board offers a lot of information on BPD and tools that can help us cope with difficult situations. Since your husband is undiagnosed I would advise you to take a look around and see if the behaviors described in the information and by other members resonate with you. Getting a better understanding of what's going on with our loved ones and connecting with other members helped me a lot to feel empowered and less alone.
I hope you don't mind me asking some question to get a better impression of your situation and how we can help you.

Is this the first time that your husband expressed his need to move on?
What other behaviors led you to think he has BPD?