Constant dramas, constant blaming and very very rarely any sense of peace

[Mattpuddlejumper]

Just joining this forum and very new to the ideas of BPD. My daughter was diagnosed and reading the literature I finally identified the traits perfectly with her! Unending rages for little or no reason.  Constant dramas, constant blaming and very very rarely any sense of peace.  I have been beating myself up for years trying to ‘hear’ her, terrified of the marriage breaking down as I’m threatened with divorce regularly and hurt by fantastical untrue accusations.  It’s so helpful to hear these ideas - Reading ‘When Hope is not enough’ by Dobbs too- and to get some strategies. I can see how I have contributed towards my current situation and get some ideas about a way forward. But it’s hard.  Thanks all for your posts

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ozzie101]

Welcome, Matpuddlejumper! I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but also glad you found us. Have you checked out the Parents and children board here? https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0

A lot of members there can understand what your going through and may have some valuable advice and support for you. I hope you'll read and post there! There's helpful information throughout the boards but you'll find some specific tools and support for your situation with your daughter.

Again, welcome!

[Only Human]

Hi Mattpuddlejumper 

I join Ozzie in welcoming you here. You will find many parents who will relate to what you've written, as you've already noticed, it seems 

I'm so sorry to hear the way your daughter's behavior has affected the whole family, divorce threats, fantastical  accusations, rages, blame, and on and on. Yes, we understand.

I hope you will settle in, get comfortable here as part of the family. We are all learning together and supporting each other on our journeys.

As Ozzie said,  we've lots of tools, ways to better communicate, that have been very helpful to parents here.

I'm on mobile right now and can't figure out how to post a link but wanted to invite you to take a look at the top of this board for a thread entitled HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE. It's got some of our best articles and is a great place to start.

How old is your daughter? Is she living with you?

I look forward to getting to know you and how we can best support you.

Again, welcome!

~ OH

[Mirsa]

Hi Mattpuddlejumper,
I went through a divorce three years ago, and while ex moved on and created a new life for himself, I struggled constantly, raising two teenager solo, and dealing with the older one's issues, which was diagnosed as BPD.  She moved out to live with her father a few months ago (after not talking to him for 18 months) and I was AMAZED at how peaceful my life suddenly became.  I have a happiness and peace and serenity that was totally unexpected.  I don't think, ... .no, i KNOW that I had no idea how much she was affecting me with her constant demands, tantrums, drama, and crisis after crisis after crisis.  Holy cow.  Now the younger daughter and I are living a life of peace in her absence and we are both still pinching ourselves over how incredibly peaceful our home has suddenly become.  She will turn 18 in a few months, and since my eyes have been opened, I have decided that I will love her from a distance, but one of my new boundaries is that she will not live with me, probably ever again.  If there is any way you can encourage your BPD adult child (?) to move into his/her own space, I highly recommend it!  All the best to you... .you deserve to be happy too.