Have I made a huge mistake? Should I have just let him blame his BPD and kept him happy by staying?
Hi Squish-
While members here do not tell people to stay or leave their relationships, I will ask you some questions.
Engagement is the time to evaluate a relationship before making a life long commitment.
What is your wish for marriage and your purpose in being married?
Is your purpose to make someone else happy while being unhappy yourself?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a person with whom you have this relationship dynamic- one where you deny your own judgement to make someone else happy?
Do you want to be on the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse for the rest of your life?
Do you want a monogamous relationship with someone who is faithful to you or a relationship with someone who is cheating on you?
I will say this: it is not a mistake to evaluate a relationship during the engagement process and decide that, even if you have strong feelings for someone- being in a relationship with this person is not good for me- and choose to end the engagement.
Is being in a relationship with this person good for you? It is not a mistake to consider what values you wish to have in a marriage- these can include fidelity, treating each other with respect and kindness, absence of abusive or addictive behaviors, trust and honesty. Do you want these? Was your relationship with your fiance in line with your values?
