Anyone have an Insecure Attachment Style?

[Beecha]

Attached Author: Amir Levine, MD and Rachel Heller, MA Publisher: Penguin Group (January 5, 2012) Paperback: 304 pages ISBN-10: 1585429139 ISBN-13: 9781585429134

I read the book Attached and I fall somewhere in between a Secure and Insecure attachment style. When I started dating C and everything was wonderful I was very secure. Because of things he’s done and said, I’ve  since turned insecure, and when he’s mad at me or doesn’t text or call for awhile it brings me anxiety. I hate feeling this way!

When I’m anxious I don’t give him my happy loving self and then he pulls away more or does mean things.  Vicious cycle.

I know he loves me. We are just having a hard time getting on the same page.

Anyone else feel insecure in their relationship and how do you deal?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sandb2015]

Hi Beecha,

That's me.

I haven't read the book, I have a long list, this is one.

I text, no response and here comes the high anxiety, maybe panic attacks.

I was already a little insecure but very manageable.  This rs has overturned stones and dug deep below to expose the truth about me and where my weaknesses and strengths are/were. Thats the tough part, we need to address them to be healthier, stronger, better.

I work to be calmer and know my reaction or be prepared NOT to act in a natural way.  It's not easy and a little JADEing may occur, just getting better all the time.  It's a bait situation and it's tough.

Yes, cycles.

No, not on same page.  It won't come naturally, there's work, a lot of it, reading about the tools you can develop and various other things here to deal with YOURSELF and your pwBPD.

[once removed]

a huge portion of members have an insecure attachment style. ive displayed one myself in the majority of romantic relationships.

how do you deal?

perspective goes a long way. over time, i simply dont have the same reactions to things that would have driven me crazy longer ago. the family here can be a great outlet and source of feedback in terms of challenging and opening your perspective.

mindfulness techniques, making the most of Wisemind (https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind). it has helped me to realize that three things about my emotional reactions:

1. they will pass
2. i cant necessarily help them, and judging them/trying to make them go away isnt constructive. processing them and probing them is (this approach, long term, has had an impact on the frequency and extent)
3. i dont have to act on my anxieties - that tends to just make things worse. how i feel doesnt necessarily hurt anyone, what i do or dont do can have a big impact.