Ending An Affair - Becoming Righteous Again

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everybody,

I haven’t been on for a while as I’d gotten myself into a terrible mess with a second extra marital affair. This time it was serious and last August I told my wife I wanted to be with this woman. We agreed to split up but then I became worried that everything was moving too fast. I had only known the new woman a couple of weeks but was head over heels in love. We both told each other that we had met a major love in our lives and wanted to be together.

Fast forward six months and I was physically assaulted by her three times. She accused me of being a narcissist on a daily basis and told me she was an expert on Narcissism as her mother was one. After the love-bombing phase she started to go off sex and accused me of talking to other women on WhatsApp. She had some illnesses which she thought were cancer but turned out to be benign. I stood by her every step of the way and was there for her. She accused me of not hearing her about her health concerns. All that love and affection gave way to her criticising everything about me and she finally revealed that she was seeing somebody else. I feel battered bruised and bereft as she was beautiful and sexy. Despite all of the hurt I feel emotionally sober for the first time in years. This has jolted me back to reality and I think I always knew it was too good to be true. As soon as she kept telling me I had to change while behaving outrageously herself, I knew we were doomed. She took great delight in revealing she’d met someone else. I resisted every instinct I had to go to her home and confront her (she lives close to me) but fortunately my wise mind kicked in.

I feel like the alcoholic who has finally put the drink down.

RF

[RomanticFool]

Hello everybody,

I haven’t been on for a while as I’d gotten myself into a terrible mess with a second extra marital affair. This time it was serious and last August I told my wife I wanted to be with this woman. We agreed to split up but then I became worried that everything was moving too fast. I had only known the new woman a couple of weeks but was head over heels in love. We both told each other that we had met a major love in our lives and wanted to be together.

Fast forward six months and I was physically assaulted by her three times. She accused me of being a narcissist on a daily basis and told me she was an expert on Narcissism as her mother was one. After the love-bombing phase she started to go off sex and accused me of talking to other women on WhatsApp. She had some illnesses which she thought were cancer but turned out to be benign. I stood by her every step of the way and was there for her. She accused me of not hearing her about her health concerns. All that love and affection gave way to her criticising everything about me and she finally revealed that she was seeing somebody else. I feel battered bruised and bereft as she was beautiful and sexy. Despite all of the hurt I feel emotionally sober for the first time in years. This has jolted me back to reality and I think I always knew it was too good to be true. As soon as she kept telling me I had to change while behaving outrageously herself, I knew we were doomed. She took great delight in revealing she’d met someone else. I resisted every instinct I had to go to her home and confront her (she lives close to me) but fortunately my wise mind kicked in.

I feel like the alcoholic who has finally put the drink down.

RF

[Mindfried]

RF sounds exactly like my udBPD. She accused me of being a narcissist on a daily basis and told me the same that she was an expert on narcissism. She also claimed I never heard her. She was beautiful and sexy. Its probably the same women as it sounds exactly like her . Best thing that happened in the long run is after 4 years of on again off again it finally ended for good and NC for the last 6 or 7 months. Although I think of her often life is more peaceful. No more conflict, no more name calling, no more roller coaster ride, no more great words followed by no action to back those words.

[RomanticFool]

Hi Mindfried,

They do indeed sound like the same person. I thought mine had NPD due to her family history but it could well be BPD. I’ve never seen anybody so unaffected by horrible arguments. She’d often just text me after a terrible row as if nothing had happened. I could never fathom how a woman who claimed to be so empathic could be so oblivious to somebody breaking down in tears right I’m front of her.

[Turkish]

Have you and your wife split up?

[RomanticFool]

We split up for a while but are now back together again Turkish. It is very difficult and things are strained between us but we are trying to salvage the relationship.