We're going to ask DD to move, but don't want to further traumatize grandkids

[TGS]

I’m new this site. After a gut wrenching explosive event with our daughter resulting in filing a police report and calling DSS concerning our grandson, we have come to the conclusion she likely suffered with BPD. There is a long history of instability, explosive episodes that make no sense triggered by an irrational belief that some sort of abuse has happened ( not true, but her accusations are totally irrational), alcohol problems, drama and threats of suicide. This last episode has lasted a month and is long and complicated. She lives in our garage apartment with her 2 sons. She’s driving her dad’s car and does not have a job, though she has an interview tomorrow. We know we are going to ask her to move because the situation has made us prisoners in our home.
Our concern is for the 2 boys. We would have had her move out right after the incident, but she has nowhere to go. We do not want to further traumatize the boys by forcing her to move out ASAP. Does anyone have a similar issue concerning children or grandkids? As of now she has lied to the boys about so much, though just the day of the incident we were the best parents in the world. Any advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi TGS

Welcome to the Family!

I'm so sorry for what you've been going through with your daughter - explosive episodes, threats of suicide, irrational accusations, alcohol, it's so much to deal with, how are you holding up? I'm glad you've found us and reached out for support, we are here for you - you are not alone.  

Some of our members are also grandparents and many will relate to what you have shared, myself included    We know how difficult it is to navigate a relationship with an adult child with BPD/BPD traits - throw in some grandchildren and it becomes even more trying, exhausting.

After a gut wrenching explosive event with our daughter resulting in filing a police report and calling DSS concerning our grandson

What happened? Is there an open case with DSS? How are you all coping?

Sorry for all the questions - it helps to get a good picture of what's been going on so we know how to best advise you. There are no pat answers, but there are things we can do to help us cope, end the cycle of conflict, and improve our relationships.

My advice is to learn all you can about BPD (we've got a lot of articles, dive in at your own pace),  take care of yourself as best you can, and keep coming back. We are all here for you, for each other, we get it.

In case you missed it, there's a thread pinned to the top of this board with links to some of the best articles - it's a good place to start and you can come back here to ask any questions at all. Here's a link:

HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE  

I look forward to getting to know you, and how we can best support you - again, welcome!

~ OH

[Sadnana]

Hi Trs
I am also new to this site and I also have GC I have 3. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I can relate 100%. It is hard enough dealing with pw/BPD but when innocent children are involved it makes it that much harder. I am struggling myself in dealing with everything so all I can offer you is to let you know I understand how you feel and that you are not alone!