The Soul Contract I Never Knew I Had

[Pina colada]

Yoga and therapy have helped me really start to heal my inner childhood wounds.  I am coming out the other side and I continue to evolve.  I also learned that my sister was brought into my life to teach me a lesson.  My sister abused horribly when we were kids.  She is much old, 8 years older.  I haven't written much about this.  I never bonded with her.  She was horrible from the day she was born (my mom told me she was never right).  I forgave her when I was 13 and we became great "friends" but ultimately she was betraying everything I held near and dear.  Oh it was awful to realize the one person you trusted and loved was evil, betraying you, trying to destroy you.  I was naive.  My sister whom is in her late sixties now hasn't stopped.  She has destroyed every tie to our FOO and was horrible to our mom and dad and both saw her for what she was.  I was close to both and she definitely was jealous of this.  You see, our childhood was not great.  My mom had issues and so did my dad.  I made amends with both mom and dad before they passed and my mom and I became best friends.  Oh boy did my sister resent me and was upset as she (to this day) hates our mom.  But I love my mom and dad and am so blessed to have made amends.  Making amends has helped me heal my childhood trauma.  Now I am on a wonderful path, emotionally and spiritually as I embark on being a part time yoga instructor.  I am rocking it! Yoga, along with therapy has helped me to realize I made a "soul contract" with my sister to teach me about boundaries, saying no, and that it is okay to cut someone out of your life when they are just pure evil like my sister.  I am drawn to light and I know as an empath I emit light too. If my toxic sister walked near me I would naturally be repelled as she is darkness and evil.  So sometimes evil people are brought to us to teach us the lesson of boundaries and walking away.  Every time my sister did something horrible to me and my FOO, if she came back to me and apologized I always let her back into my life.  I will NEVER make that mistake again.  Although she cut me off December 2017, it was because she asked me why I wouldn't cut my ex boyfriend out of my life but I could walk away from her.  I was dumbfounded as I was at the grocery store at the time.  I told her I needed to think about it and I would get back to her.  She started yelling horrible insults to me (remember, I was at the grocery store) and said she can't talk to me because I think she a horrible person and the truth is I was tongue ties as it is hard for me to lie.  So while she cut me off it was ME that couldn't play along with her garbage any more.  I am now in a healthy relationship with a great guy and my life is going well.  If my sister ever contacts me or my family I have a letter my attorney will send her warning her to stay away.  She is no longer welcome in my personal space.  I also have a file of documents I printed of things she wrote about her own kids, horrible really but I hope I never have to use this.  Remember, our disordered family member is here to teach us a lesson.  I am coming out the other side day by day!  The light is awesome!

[Pina colada]

I also notice when I think of her , I get a dark image...she is the darkness, evil, toxic.  It's strange really how touch we become with ourselves

[Harri]

Hi PC.  It sounds like you are becoming / have become quite confident with your choice of how much contact to have with your sister.    That can be a tough place to reach for many of us.

I am curious:  "I also have a file of documents I printed of things she wrote about her own kids, horrible really but I hope I never have to use this."
What do you plan to do with this info should you need to 'use it'?  What sort of thing would prompt you to do so?

[happykiwi]

Your post made me smile.  I went NC with my mother April 2015 and it was the best thing I ever did.  By removing an incredibly toxic presence you are able to enable space for wonderful and positive things to come to you, like your man.
I too believe it is a soul contract and like you to teach me what my boundaries are and what I want to be surrounded with (love and joy). 
The universe sent me a wonderful yoga teacher 10 years ago and yoga has helped me too.
When my mother left after a horrible two week visit in April 2015 I sat down and google "why do I dislike my mother?' and this website popped up.  And two hours later after reading all these stories about people in the same boat I picked up my phone and blocked her.
Then I read some more. 
Most importantly I started to love my poor abused inner child. 
Also my children now know to be kind but don't let people s#%t on you   

[Pina colada]

Harri, hi and thanks for the kick in backside.  My sister writes on an Internet chat forum.  She is the one whom told me about the forum and that I should check it out as I work with kids with disabilities .  I did checkout out and she told me her screen name and I realized she was writing horrible things about every one in our family, including HER OWN KIDS. About 10 years ago, she wrote on the forum, asking if she should report me to DCFS because my daughter, whom was 16 at the time was weighted 70 pounds and was 5'4 and she worried my daughter was anorexic as she exercised and ran all the time.  Truth is my daughter is 5'0 and weighted 100 lbs.  She ran cross country and track and was and is very healthy and muscular with a runner type body.  Thinner yes but in no way anorexic.  She went to the public high school and to the doctor regularly.  If she looked anorexic the school would have noticed atcha but she Never was.  My sister didn't know I read her stuff so I started printing all the lies she wrote that I could prove and kept it in a file.  I also printed horrible things she wrote about her own kids thinking if she tries to cause trouble in my life, I have proof and I could "get even" with her.  After you pointed out my words Harri I realized I don't do revenge although I would defend my good name being smeared any time.  Back then I did not know about borderline or narcissism.  I knew what my sister was capable of.  I actually found the file and tossed it with the trash.  It is not whom I am.  My sister I am sure continues to write her lies but I don't read her stuff any more.  Since she is not a part of my world and I am in a much better place with her brand of toxicity I have no need to defend myself against anything.  She never called DCFS but whom writes that stuff on a public forum?  My children are awesome and healthy and had a great childhood!  I am close to all three!
happy kiwi isn't it great to stay away from toxic relationships?  I am sorry you needed to cut ties with your mom but it sounds like things are better for you! 

[zachira]

Pina Colada,
You are an inspiration to all of us. You are working through your challenges with your FOO, mostly focused on protecting yourself from further contact with your sister, and are now enjoying a happy life. I commend you for taking up yoga. Getting into our bodies, and being comfortable with our body sensations as we move in as many different ways is the key to feeling grounded and can give us the ability to make the painful decisions we need to make regarding our disordered family members. You might want to google Soleil Hepner who helps people with trauma through mindfulness yoga. I also commend you for doing therapy, which at the beginning can seem to make things worse because of all the painful memories that keep surfacing.You are able to be present and understand yourself and other people in ways that others cannot because all you have worked through. You now have a happy relationship with a boyfriend, which is another big step in healing. It takes a lot of courage to have a healthy intimate relationship when are FOO is so unhealthy. Would you mind sharing with us what are the keys steps for you in healing from all the abuse you have suffered from your FOO? Keep us posted on how you are doing. You give others hope and tools when you share your journey and how you have overcome so many of the obstacles of dealing with all the pain and sorrow your FOO has caused you.

[Harri]

Hi Pina Colada.     

I did not intend to give you a kick in the butt, but it seems like you were able to get something out of it!  Good for you.  

How did you feel throwing away the file you had kept?  I had the image of you letting go of some of the lingering threads holding you to the past.  

[Pina colada]

zachira, I am by no means trauma free but I have been able to let go of a lot, heal from some, and struggle with some. I am going to simplify but would be happy to get into more detail in a PM or some time in the near future.  There is some information I just don't want to be on a public forum in case my sister pops over here to read which she has. Here goes.  As a child I did not realize my childhood was not normal.  I became co dependent and a people pleaser.  I had no real sense of self and very wounded inner child.  My first step in healing was becoming friends with my mom when I was in my 20's.  She apologized to me for past behaviors and we became best friends.  She became the best grandma to my kids whom loved her dearly.  She passed in 2004 but we still think about her often.  My dad moved back to my state in 2000.  Although he never admitted he did anything, being his only child here we formed a bond.  I visited him often and got to know him better than I ever did as a kid.  Being an empath, of course I forgave both parents for past behaviors and forged a bond with my dad.  I was there for him when he became ill and passed away in 2017.  I truly loved him too.  My brother and I became close in the past 20 ears.  I resented him as kid and wasn't always nice to him.  HE forgave me and we are now close even though we live in different states.  I finally figured out my sister.  I faced the fact she abused me as kids and that I never formed a bond with her.  That all adult niceties was just me trying to have a relationship with my sister because she was my sister, not because I truly wanted her in my life.  She caused so much pain and suffering to my entire FOO yet I still struggled with abandonment issues and she was no different.  Throw in a narcissistic boyfriend and you have a recipe for disaster.  Through therapy I was able to see through the fog about whom my sister was and whom the boyfriend was.  I realized they were different yet so similar.  BPD and NPD are similar except NPD lacks empathy.  I do think my sister is capable of empathy when she wants but she also has many NPD traits.  My sister made it easy and cut me off.  Story is on another three.  This was a year ago.  I set boundaries with her and the boyfriend and I stuck with it.  I will never let sis back in my life.  I walked away from boyfriend to the nice guy waiting.  I have been working on healing my inner childhood trauma.  My fears were feeling unlovable, like I had no voice, abandonment.  Through inner child healing I have definitely lifted my vibration up a bit and while it's a slow process I work on it every day.  I was drawn to yoga for a while and decided to go to a class.  It was love!  CorePower rocks!  I decided to take a teacher training class that started in March and doing yoga as well as the study of what yoga is has also helped me as lean toward light.  It just does as yoga is very deep, spiritual, healing...I highly recommend trying yoga!  If anyone wants to know more about healing the inner childhood trauma please pm me.  I already wrote too much!  I am a work in process but have come a long way in a year.  Harri I am glad I got that push.  Negativity weighs us down.  I don't have time to dwell on past hurts as I live for today and the future!