Howdy
It's been a little while since I've been 'round these parts. Hope everyone's doing OK (and welcome if you're reading this and one of the newer folks...you've found a rich community here :hug.
Many of us, at some point, will make choices to change our contact level with the pwBPD/NPD in our lives. Thought I'd start a thread where we can share some of the words of wisdom/points/thoughts/statements/etc. that help give us strength during these transitional times.
I myself have been in NC with my uNPD/possibly BPD mother for about two months and, having spent this time reflecting, praying, and working with my T, have decided to continue NC for a longer period of time to provide myself space for grieving and healing. There's been joy and release, there've been tears, there's been a bit of anger, there's been missing her from time to time, there's been more insight about family dynamics and there's been some of that uneasy little voice telling me that I'm cruel or cold for doing this...alongside a deeper, quieter voice telling me that my emotional health and growth are worth making this difficult choice right now and that everything will be OK in the long run.
When I first started waking up to the situation, I read several books and collected some quotes and ideas that stuck out to me. Most of these come from other sources so not claiming them as my own, but I kept them all in my notes for the purpose of drawing strength (but if you have questions about any particular quote, I can check and see if I can get you the resource). Here they are:
- Your value as a person is not based on how much you give in relationships or how much you bend to the other person’s will
- No one knows you better than you know yourself (apart from God)
- Guilt is a manageable, passing emotion
- While trauma can be hell on earth, trauma healed is a gift from God
- All feelings are appropriate
- Peace and tranquility are not guilty pleasures
- I don’t have the power to change this person or their behavior. Only myself.
- No contact = natural consequences
- “Right” or “wrong” is something that we do rather than something that we are
- A prayer:
God, You want me to have abundant life- “Any behavior which attempt to control you is abuse, simply because adults do not control other adults. When any given behavior causes you stress on a regular basis or begins to undermine your self-esteem, it has crossed the line into abuse.”
- Do not be afraid of the word “selfish” if someone uses it to describe you when you’re taking care of yourself. It may mean you’re starting to do the right thing.
Feel free to share some of the words that give you strength for the journey, whatever yours might look like.
