Why did it take me so long to realise?

[SrK9]

Hello all,
46M with partner 47F who I suspected of having BPD traits for a number on years but never really read about what that meant in detail. We have been together for ten years and have three kids (20F, 15M and 7F), the two older from her previous marriage)

I have a personal long history of anxiety and depression and finally in the last 2-3 years have managed to get to a better place and make progress towards better mental health. As I have improved however it has made me realise the (at the time) inexplicable and bizarre nature of my partner’s behaviour - mood swings, rage outbursts and clearly hurting but unable to explain or express it.

Reading SWOE has been a revelation - it all seems to fit like a jigsaw slotting together. I want our family to improve in our relationships and support of each other - seems like that could be a lifelong project! (probably true of all things in life really). The task ahead is daunting but at least I feel like I have some sort of map to follow :-)

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Welcome!  Many of us lived for years not understanding that the painful behaviors we were seeing are not just something we and our partner were suffering with, but were a form of mental illness that impacts many others.  You are not alone.  This is a community that can provide support and help you learn coping tools to make things better.

How did you first realize that BPD might be an explanation for your partners behaviors?

RC

[Ozzie101]

Hi SrK9! I'd like to join Radcliff in welcoming you.

Discovering BPD is a bewildering and eye-opening experience. I know I was terribly confused about what could be going on with my H. At first, I thought I was a horrible wife who'd screwed up royally. Then I started to realize something was just wrong. Someone on another mental health community board recommended SWoE and it was like a lightbulb going on.

As Radcliff said, this is a very supportive group of people who can understand and want to help. I hope you'll continue posting and share as much of your story as you're comfortable with.

Are there any aspects of your relationship that are of particular concern? That could help us point you toward some helpful tools.