Just weird and social media

[ortac77]

It does not matter how much I try to understand this disorder or utilise the tools to help keep my sanity my pwBPD just goes on trail of self destruction of his own making and foolishly I get taken along for the ride.

I am pretty angry at the moment, he has a history of falling outs with people by posting things on facebook -he used to include me in his postings in the past but that has stopped. Today I received a call from a family member asking if he had been arrested (he hasn't). I was confused so asked where this information had come from, they said they heard it from someone else whom they named and that person had seen a message to that effect.

I asked my pwbPD (probably big mistake) if they had posted something on facebook which of course led to an inquisition on why I was asking, so I said that I had been asked about whether he had put anything like that on facebook. He denied it of course but turns out (seen the screenshot) that he did! Now he is blaming all and sundry for spreading malicious gossip about him when he actually did it himself. He has also posted some nasty comments to friends accusing them of spreading rumours and of course i get the texts asking what is going on which is why I am feeling so annoyed at this, but for once instead of trying to make excuses I have said nothing to do with me ask him.

 Much as I try it just makes no bloody sense apart from some sort of attention seeking?

Actually it's not the first time, I have had these sort of calls from friends before in the past but not for some time and I can only assume that when he drinks he puts all sort of rubbish on social media, either forgetting that he has or ...?

I know a few years ago he showed me some nasty emails he said he had received, after a bit of digging it turned out he had sent them to himself from a secondary email he was using (largely for sex sites).

Just a bit floored by this at the moment, as again every time I think things are getting better he manages to do something to destabilise things. I think what really upsets me is that I am a very private person and getting these calls/texts from friends has really upset my sense of balance and perspective.

Thanks for listening
Ortac

[Cat Familiar]

Do you think his disordered behavior reflects poorly upon you?

I understand not wanting the scrutiny that it creates from others inquiring about his well being, but is there a way that you can distance yourself from his (I'm presuming) attention-seeking behavior?

[ortac77]

Hi Cat

Good questions and thinking about it probably yes, as I say I am a private person and whilst open in many ways when I get to know someone don't believe in sharing private information especially on social media. So maybe I do think it reflects badly on me or causes others to judge the choices I have made.

Silly really when I reflect on it but I just do not like 'gossip'.

Yes I do need to distance myself from it but I suppose it just triggers those needs in me to be in a 'normal' relationship which of course this is not and most of the time I do engage in activities and pursuits that help.

I am not sure why I am reacting so strongly to this, it probably is attention seeking on his part and is anyway simply not true but he also constantly wants to judge others and and is hardly innocent of posting nasty comments about other people. He really has no friends of his own and that is because anyone who gets close gets painted black. I guess it frustrates me that he cannot see that it is self destructive but also that it affects me. Its nice to have friends of my own but it would be nice to think we could jointly maintain friendships however I think that sadly is wishful thinking.

Perhaps it is designed to poison my friendships but that has never worked before and won't now. Just feel saddened by this but it will pass as its just a feeling.

[ortac77]

I was talking to a friend yesterday whose son also probably has BPD although not diagnosed. She shared that he also uses social media to make nasty comments and had in fact been warned by the police that he could be arrested for harassment if he continued.

I think social media can be a good tool for people to stay in touch but is probably a terrible thing in the 'wrong hands' - you often hear about the dangers and distress youngsters get into with it and I suppose the same thing applies with sufferers of BPD.

I also come to realise that my friends/family however well meaning cannot possibly really understand this illness and that any judgement I perceive is based upon my own thinking which of course at times becomes distorted when my pwBPD does things like this after all if I take a step back is it really any of my business?

Best I do not overthink this one and let it go