Spouse with BPD traits

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,, I would like to get some advice regarding how to respond when a spouse gets in an explosive episode and doesn't accept the fact of you saying, I need to leave until you calm down. Or I need to not talk about this until you can speak calmly. We've talked about this before but when the tirades begin, he looses all regard for any rational behavior and disregards others' boundaries. I would like some constructive advice on how to handle these kinds of situations.

[Karzoopa]

Hi,, I would like to get some advice regarding how to respond when a spouse gets in an explosive episode and doesn't accept the fact of you saying, I need to leave until you calm down. Or I need to not talk about this until you can speak calmly. We've talked about this before but when the tirades begin, he looses all regard for any rational behavior and disregards others' boundaries. I would like some constructive advice on how to handle these kinds of situations.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hi Karzoopa!

I've been in situations like that more than once with my H. It can be a very scary and difficult situation to handle. What I usually ended up doing was just quietly listening while he sort of burned himself out. My trying to leave just triggered his abandonment fears.

I hope you don't mind if I ask a could of questions. Does he ever get physical in these rages? Do you feel unsafe?

[Sandb2015]

Hey Karzoopa and Ozzie101,

I have experienced even having to go to the bathroom (in the master bedroom,same room) was taken as a direct offense).

I have to agree with Ozzie101, listen without expression, be sincere and listen, appear quietly to be sincere and validate sparingly at times to help.

I would have to wait for my love to have to do something in the middle of an episode to pee or nervously smoke.

I didn't know what I know now...I did everything other than what would have helped.