Feeling so angry and helpless about my mother

[JBPuglover]

The usual... We've hit a slippery patch... Mom has spiraled down after an angry and embarrassing altercation with a close family friend at a family gathering... She's angry, lashing out, playing the victim, projecting her anger at me (the only one who takes her call) and not taking any responsibility as usual. Sick of it, sick of her and lumped onto that piles of bad daughter guilt for trying to even rationalise with her... I never seem to learn I cannot reason with her... She refuses to get emotional support and blames everything on her sister, my sister and her partner and the rest of our crazy family... Just reaching out here because it's helpful I guess reading others experiences to lessen my guilt and angst about this latest drama...

[Turkish]

That sounds like it was embarrassing at a family function. How do people usually respond? Do they just grin and bear it, so to speak? Do you share your frustrations with others, or do you feel alone (aside from you being cast as "bad daughter" by her)? It sounds like others in the family distance themselves by not taking her calls.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.  It is great that you are reaching out and we really do get it here.

It can be so hard when we see this sort of behavior and of course we want to try to reason with them.   It took me  a long time to realize that doing so when my mother was dysregulated was pointless and the best thing I could do was give her time and space to re-center herself... not that she often was centered!  

Is the guilt something she puts on you or is it what you feel?

I hope to hear more from you.  We can certainly listen to you and relate to your experiences.  I hope you settle in and read and join threads.  You don't have to deal with this alone.

[Done211]

I know that feeling well; attempting to reason with someone who refuses to take any accountability for any of their own actions. Trying to reason with my mother is like trying to reason with a two year old.

[zachira]

I hear your pain and anger about once again being the target of your mother's latest meltdown. The challenge is to be less destabilized by the next round of bad behaviors and not to take it personally. So easy to say this, and yet so challenging to do. You will find many people who will understand and listen on this site because they too have a mother with BPD, and are all in different stages of healing. Do read the posts of other members and the tools on this site. Keep us posted on how you are doing and let us know how we can be the most helpful.